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please don't post any pictures of anything cool that costs more than about $34. it only upsets me
worst show to watch at home while three grown men work on your bathroom: project runway? let's find out!
Funny how we just nonchalantly breeze through life confident that the two or three facts we know about lightning are going to be enough.
Downtown LA: for if you like New York, but wished it were shittier.
Just froze a room solid after saying "I once masturbated to Paul Reiser."
Humans are really having our way with chickens. It's a blowout.
No, you're generally pretty rude. You started off insulting me, so you can meow at my closed door, Lion of Liberty https://twitter.com/lionofliberty75/status/650710508119699456 …
Love college football on TV when a school's ad shows how brainy it is, then cut back to the student section & it’s literally a pit of morons
Once again my birthday has been ruined by a Hibachi chef mocking the helmet I wear to protect myself from fire
There is no human that looks cool when they sneeze while peeing.
Oh Lord in heaven, cosmic life spirit, or empty nothingness that awaits us all, should I play Freeman, Crowell or Bernard as my RB2 (PPR)?
Marriage increased the amount of scallions I purchase at the supermarket by approximately ten thousand percent.
New ad campaign "Twitter! It's like a diaper for your brain."
If you have the self-confidence to write a script in a cafe, then I probably won't like your movie.
I will arrive by parachute to your baby son's bris while Supertramp's "Dreamer" blares from a bus full of speakers parked out front. $35
Pharmaceutical companies: please develop a drug to combat the anxiety caused by the suggestion that you share entrees "family style"
I just gave such a weak handshake that I lost three followers.
Prominent figure in the bald community
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