Collecting stamps is a cry for suicide.

Glad we're living in a post-2girl1cup world.

Keep floppy discs alive and use them as coasters!

“You met me at a very strange time, in your wife.” - Edward Norton everyday.

I just found poop in my stool, I'm scared.

I live in constant fear of doors slamming into my face when I stand in front of them.

Second worst Kim is gone. #Kardashian

"The name's Bond...Theodore S. Boomshakalaka Frank Bond." - GoldenEye First Draft

Pretty sure the Jim Henson company has been controlling Stephen Hawking this whole time.

Is Sarah Palin still doing that whole being a cunt thing?

Racism & Sexism are integral parts of any comment section.

When I say I don't drink syrup, I mean not at this moment.

Deaf Glee fans: You're not missing much.

It's a shame, Napoleon would have made a great leprechaun.

"Ugh, pizza again?" ~ Terrible person, possibly Hitler

"Did I stutter!?" - Scatman John's last words

"I peed so hard I nearly laughed."

@amandabynes needs more flash

"I have to fill my dick joke quota!" - Children's book author

Rumor is that Starbucks might change name to "Aspiring Writers & Hobo RestStop-Bucks."