Under 25? No job or house? Tell your dad to avoid tax and your partner’s mother to get you at £90,000 job in PR like David Cameron did. Easy

The Tories say unpaid Jubilee stewards had the "chance to develop skills". In stewarding a Jubilee. A much in-demand skill, no doubt.

Man who got his money from daddy and a 90 grand job in PR from his wife's mummy loathes "something for nothing" society http://t.co/o3IasX1s

I would say that Tony Blair will be Prime Minister again over my dead body but he was Prime Minister last time over several hundred thousand

BREAKING: The Daily Mail to get custody of Suri Cruise.

The reason Labour aren't banging on about #workfare is because it was in their 2010 General Election manifesto written by one E. Miliband.

The benefit cap is "popular" says Labour. So's marijuana but we're not getting that. Bombing Iraq wasn't popular but Labour did it anyway.

So basically, what we've learned today is that a dogshit in a crisp bag could do James Murdoch's job #hacking

Been beaten by your partner? Struggling financially? Then you can fuck off http://t.co/MRmwsvZL

When Aidan Burley says "rappers" he means black people. http://t.co/SWStXDrz

This why the Tories are perverted geniuses. They're pushing out so much of this crap you can't give a shit about all of it or you'd go mad.

"What did you do at work today, dear?" "Waved a sub-machine gun at some people trying to save the NHS."

Since mephedrone was banned it's purity has fallen while it's price and use has risen. Who could have predicted that? http://t.co/HRSWu5F0

They tried thermal imaging on the Tory Party. You know what? No hint of warmth whatsoever.

NOTW phone hacking sociopath Glenn Mulcaire has asked for privacy for his children. I laughed.

People who wear ties have caused far more harm than people who wear burkhas, surely.

So Nadine Dorries and her new boyfriend publicly out his wife as an alcoholic to deflect media attention. What delightful people.

There's no part of "Usain Bolt in a club at 3.45am with the Swedish women's handball team after he won the 100m gold" that I don't like.

When G4S killed a man nobody gave much of a stuff, but now they're threatening to spoil the running and jumping... BOOM http://t.co/Mt8blG6t

Ed Miliband attending the Durham Miners’ Gala instead of sending a police baton charge shows what a communist he is, says Baroness Warsi.