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T-shirt from a ribs joint:
"A good dry rub enhances our meat"
NFL=NO FUCKING LIGHTS!
Bonding with another menopausal women at the deli counter...meeting again in the frozen food aisle inside the freezer door...priceless.
Falling asleep with my eyes open...so damn bored at work. Rather be home baking!!!
"As I've explained before..."
Don't fucking say this to anyone...it really pisses people off.
How many fucking times do I have to reteach my parents how to order movies from Netflix!!? At least once a month...UGH!!!
Husband says "what are we gonna do about these dry cutlets?"
I don't know but say hello to Jared when you go to fucking Subway for dinner.
Go fuck yourself...I'm reading HUNGER GAMES!
~me to husband.
When my husband starts getting more compliments than me, it's time to do something about it...wait let me put my wine down first.
My son graduates from high school today...he's been waiting for this day since pre-school!!! Congrats to my gorgeous Gino xoxo
Tested out new wine glasses tonight...yup...they work!
I now have something my boss doesn't have and cannot buy...a daughter with a college degree! Congrats again to my daughter Gia!
"With your blow dryer, shoot a blast of cold hair into your hair"
Fuck you Conair...that blast is for underneath my sweaty boobs and crotch!
"Why do I have to pay for that fat old lady's dessert when we go out for lunch...I'm on a fixed budget!"
My mother at lunch with friends!
Saying no is an option. What a best friend says when asking you to do something last minute.
Put a scale in my 19-year-olds bathroom and now he feels the need to tell me every time he loses a fucking pound while eating brownies.
Sorry for the lowlife random direct messages...got hacked...fixed it...some ass wipe has free fucking time on his hands!