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"Leaked." "Leaked" photos. Like that time someone leaked into my house and then leaked my safe full of money out to their car.
I'm glad Natalie Portman and Jacques Cousteau never got married, because it would be hard to think of a portmanteau for their last names.
AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WHO CALLED HIM:
The Space Cowboy: 1
The Gangster of Love: 1
By agreeing to use this McDonald's Bell WiFi you hereby certify that 2015 is not off to the best start.
... do you think J.J. Abrams' full name is Jar Jar Abrams???
A brunch place called Friends With Benedicts
Oh yeah? Well where's my International MEN'S Day— *is crushed by a giant 5,000-ton history book*
♫ Bilbo, Frodo, Aragorn / Gollum, Kili, Fili, Thorin / Gandalf white, Gandalf grey / What else do I have to say / WE DIDN'T START THE SHIRE
Keanu Reeves turns 50 years old today. If his age goes back below 50 at any point, he will die.
CONFESSION: Sometimes I like to "Irish" up my morning coffee by throwing a couple potatoes in there.
H.R. GIGER: Doc, my penis hurts.
DOCTOR: You're pointing at your shoulder.
H.R. GIGER: Same diff, it's all penises really.
ME: Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?
ANGEL ON GROUND: I didn't fall, I was push—
(gunshot from heaven)
BRONX VOICE FROM HEAVEN: Fell.
Never seen Mad Men. Trying to marathon the whole series before tonight. Playing it at 45x the speed. To be honest this show is nonsense.
Hipsters should be scene, not herd.
Stand-Up Comedian - Just for Laughs 2015 | TV Writer - This Hour Has 22 Minutes | Finding Bessarion | I wrote that sketch people think SNL took but I'm easy
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