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"Leaked." "Leaked" photos. Like that time someone leaked into my house and then leaked my safe full of money out to their car.
I'm glad Natalie Portman and Jacques Cousteau never got married, because it would be hard to think of a portmanteau for their last names.
By agreeing to use this McDonald's Bell WiFi you hereby certify that 2015 is not off to the best start.
... do you think J.J. Abrams' full name is Jar Jar Abrams???
A brunch place called Friends With Benedicts
Oh yeah? Well where's my International MEN'S Day— *is crushed by a giant 5,000-ton history book*
♫ Bilbo, Frodo, Aragorn / Gollum, Kili, Fili, Thorin / Gandalf white, Gandalf grey / What else do I have to say / WE DIDN'T START THE SHIRE
Keanu Reeves turns 50 years old today. If his age goes back below 50 at any point, he will die.
AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WHO CALLED HIM:
The Space Cowboy: 1
The Gangster of Love: 1
CONFESSION: Sometimes I like to "Irish" up my morning coffee by throwing a couple potatoes in there.
ME: Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?
ANGEL ON GROUND: I didn't fall, I was push—
(gunshot from heaven)
BRONX VOICE FROM HEAVEN: Fell.
Hipsters should be scene, not herd.
♫ Billy Joel is not my lover / He's just a guy who says piano is fun
Now that Ryan Gosling has a child, he is legally required to change his own last name to Goose.
Designing the ultimate college poster: a big picture of Che Guevera which, when closely examined, is composed of thousands of Bob Marleys.
This Hour Has @22_Minutes | TV Writer/Stand-Up | @TheSketchersons | @UrbaneExploring | @GetSomeTO | @OneNightOnlyTV | Finding Bessarion | Feminist | Friendly
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