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Asked my guests if they prefer Poison or Slaughter. When they freaked out I explained they're band names.
Then I poisoned them
I spent almost an hour at the book store signing books today, which is pretty good since they caught me after just 25 minutes last time.
No words can express how much I love to express myself with words.
When you get fatigued from working at the camouflage factory I bet it's pretty easy to sneak out early.
this Möbius tweet, which is not only an infinite run-on sentence, also provides hours of bemusement as you start back at the beginning of
I bet there's big money in threatening to expose extortionists.
I don't lie to people because I can never remember how much I've let on about my prodigiously precise eidetic memory.
Find a penny pick it up, all day long you'll have good luEWWWW!! IT'S CANADIAN!
Is it illegal to terxt and drive in Oregonb? I'm askjg for the string of mailboxes dragging behinf me.
Insufficient unemployment is really starting to impact my Twitter habit.
The 1st rule of OCD Club is don't start enumerating.
I just took the "What Harry Potter spoiler alert are you?" and the answer is "Snape kills Dumbledore."
Can't fix the plane's entertainment system.
We're all moving to a new plane.
It's like we're in whatever year books weren't invented.
Hey neat! You taught your dog to panhandle for you!
And apparently he taught you to pee on the sidewalk!
How many times do people need to be told that laws don't apply to celebrities, no matter how obscure and tell the judge I'm in Twitter Wit.
In Japanese culture it's more important to save face than your ass because over there they don't respect people without faces.
Take off delayed an hour while a hipster tries to fix in-flight video system. Not safe to leave until we can watch Jeff Foxworthy.
Anyone who tells me a zombie joke is undead to me.
Anyone who tells me a zombie joke is dead to me.
Every time someone makes an unverifiable cause-effect generalization an angel has a brain freeze.