Nothing is funnier than two people with bad grammar having a deep conversation

Apparently, Engineers talk how Doctors write

Hey people with protected tweets, you sure have overestimated your importance

A girl with a semi-nude display picture tweeted 'Hello'. She got 50+ stars. I tweeted 'Hello', 10 people unfollowed me. Well played assholes

Delhi University's cut off percentage for Science is 99.25%. Those who scored 60% are now laughing at those who scored 99.24%

To all the fuckers who tweet inspirational shit,do you think we would learn life lessons from somebody who spends 15 hours a day on Twitter?

A moment of silence for all the brilliant tweets that were tweeted at the wrong time

Tweeting funny stuff when you don't have enough followers is like shaving your pubes while you're still single

Tip for newbies: DO NOT tell your friends and relatives to follow you on Twitter just to increase the follower count. Thank me later

A pessimist sees the glass of wine as half empty. An optimist knows there's another bottle in the fridge

Girls who are cute and funny are 500% more sexy than the sexy girls

Hey all you people who have written "Dreamer" in their bio, I wish you suffer from insomnia

The problem with Twitter is that after some time, everyone starts thinking of themselves as a professional writer

The best thing about being rich is that you can remove airline baggage tags from your bags as soon as you come out of the airport

Those ungrateful assholes who don't like retweets should probably quit Twitter. I mean, that's how I found you, sucker

I really don't remember what I used to do at red lights before I started using Twitter

"I am what I am" - Assholes who pretend to be someone else most of the time

Never give a #FF to your Twitter crush. Some horny bastard on your TL would follow her and then you'd never know what's happening over DMs

GF: "To whom are you texting?".Me: "I'm not texting. I'm tweeting".GF: "Oh, tell me your Twitter username".Me: "JK, I was texting my mom"

There are two types of people on Twitter. Those who can take a joke, and those who will copy it and claim it as their own