DIET DECEMBER IS GOING GREAT I COULD HAVE EATEN 13 PIZZAS BUT I ATE 12

Pretty annoyed @saigers because I'm just as "fat" as Miranda Lambert, sorry we aren't all zeroes Dmoney.

I bought magic mike and I got 20$ in ones and I've been throwing them at the television for 36 minutes straight.

Yoga pants are my boyfriend

If you like me on twitter, you'll hate my guts in real life.

#thingsilearnedatpayson Saige is stupid

Real marriage: After you take a crap, flush it so I know it's real.

Daniel Radcliffe should push over Kristen Stewart.

@saigers plz delete UR twitter again

Sometimes, we just read saiges tweets out loud just so they sound even dumber.

#JonathanTaylorThomas was my @justinbieber

Now I can add my first ultrasound to my pullout of pictures in my wallet, here's betta Lou, chihuahua Sadie, and my unborn child.

"Did you wash your hair today?" Josh
"No, why?" Me
"Oh no reason it just smells like dodger stadium and a casino combined." Josh

I think I'm going to name my baby Han Solo or Luke Skywalker or Sandperson #3

Like lol nobody cares you're engaged

*twitter

Serious tweet: why are frogs considered "valentinesy"? Like here's this giant frog to show my love. 🐸❤

You're wedding hungry, not marriage hungry. Trust me on that one.

Marketing idea: fiscal clif bars

Just heard josh break his New Years resolution of not swearing at 12 year olds on call of duty, here's to 2014.

#sadiediditfirst @saigers @breeannagibson pic.twitter.com/vZy9V1Gj