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My first @citibikenyc impression: "hm these are difficult to maneuver". Five blocks later, I realized its cuz the tire was flat. *sigh*
Supreme Court strikes down Arizona law requiring would-be voters to provide proof of citizenship in order to vote - @nbcnews
Happy Fathers Day to all the good dads out there! To the not good dads, today would be a good day to send the check you bum!
Happy Father's Day to my Dad. Even though he was never around. Glory!
No more of this "next" b.s.
I put a collar on @winsomekitten Friday and marry her on Saturday. Boom, boom boom.
You can't tell a child that there's no magic in the world. You have to show them.
I wouldn't call you ugly because that would be passing up a perfect opportunity to use the word 'grotesque'.
If you masturbate while thinking about Jesus, it's not a sin. He actually likes it. A lot.
Theologically speaking, shouldn't an apple a day keep the Christians away?
Kim Kardashian wants to eat her placenta after giving birth. I'm guessing this is not the most disgusting thing she's had in her mouth.
You know how saying a word over and over makes it become meaningless? That’s what happened to your safeword.
A random toddler just waved at me. I didn't wave back. Welcome to life and all of its dissapointments you little shit.
@kadield “@globepix: Panda researchers in China, wear panda costumes in work. pic.twitter.com/L3vLrMtY9s”
If I shot 19 people I damn sure would at least hop a bus to the next area code. #NOLA shooter arrested. In NOLA. Dumbass.
"I'm gonna teach that douchbag a lesson...by degrading homeless people. Wait." (@kadield thanks for your thoughts) http://huff.to/13wyDj9
They should make the Snopes website required reading for everyone who has a Facebook account. http://talesfromasmalltown.com/?p=894
Do we have final numbers yet? Did the HTC First Facebook phone outsell the Microsoft Kin?
I'm the gay man your mother warned you about. Creator of the hashtag #powerbottom and fucking proud of it. Also the Monkey Master. #BBBH
