@kaffeineme's (Kathleen) most faved Tweets...
At first it was just laziness, but now it's become a scientific experiment in leg hair growth capacity.
I read "erectile dysfunction bots" as "erectile dysfunction BOOTS" and thought, yeah, I've got some of those.
I don't care how much Elton John "The I'm Still Standin' Years" you play, Citizens Bank - I AM NOT HANGING UP UNTIL I GET A PERSON
Something something feces something reproductive organs something something sexual intercourse something bacon something farts.
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This salsa is making me cry like a schoolgirl and then greedily go back for more. Oh my God - salsa, have I dated you?
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Ah, fall. Colorful leaves, apple cider, a chill in the air that means my white trash neighbor puts a fucking shirt on when leaving the house
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I'm wearing jeans tucked into UGGS and my son's thermal shirt today. Later on I'll be visiting 2001, so I need to be prepared.
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Honestly, I hate myself sometimes. I'm obsessing over the grammar in that last tweet. This is something up with which I will not put!
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What horrific act do you have to commit in a previous life to be sentenced to come back as a telecommunications salesperson?
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Why does my family insist on using the telephone to communicate verbally with me?? I ONLY RESPOND TO TYPED WORDS.
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Eating a cold poptart, drinking cold coffee and "sweeping" dog hair off the hardwood floor with my socks. I'm SUCH an old man bachelor.
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When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty, I get the cool sensation of being trapped in the bathroom after my shower without a towel. DAMMIT
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When will I learn that washing vitamins down with coffee is never a good idea? I'M SORRY, BARNEY RUBBLE.
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Went out before 9am on Saturday with Uggs on in public and guys, I SMILED at people. I don't know what this red hair has done to me.
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I've picked up the dog from the boarder's where he also got groomed and bathed. I had them use "new dog smell" and it's fabulous.
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