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  • kaiakaiakaia
      kaia @kaiakaiakaia

    Hey girls, we've heard it. You're horny, you like cock in various orifices, and your nipples are hard. How about saying something funny?

    • 113
    • FAVS
    DothTheDothAllison_BurnettOneWonderWomanBigHeb7MouthOfSassbooyahchadlyExtraRegular______ConFuseUs_Today
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    ConFuseUs_TodayExtraRegular______MeshaK___________The_Dorkster______Favstar_NSFWnottofyNickBPhippsTheDanielleRock
  • kaiakaiakaia
      kaia @kaiakaiakaia

    always wondered if it's clown makeup that causes a person to commit murder, or if it's murder that causes people to wear clown makeup.

    • 118
    • FAVS
    NickBPhippsnottofyiheartguntsTheDanielleRockBlotterMonkeyFredPollackOhDuartebrandonmeehan____
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    NickBPhippsnottofyTheDanielleRockfavstar1000favsredpawn3CrystolPistolUNCLEMIKETWEETSFavstar500Favs
  • kaiakaiakaia
      kaia @kaiakaiakaia

    I would rather smell a wet band-aid finger than listen to my voicemails.

    • 77
    • FAVS
    crayan9BlotterMonkeyFredPollackchopper4jkElifcellolove_shuntHormonellaHoGoLightly
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    BlotterMonkeyTheIronSherkCookieClowrylovefromcassjason_newman21UltraKelseyCuntRunt__________buttskippy
    redpawn3
  • kaiakaiakaia
      kaia @kaiakaiakaia

    how many jokes about sex does a girl have to tell on twitter to feel better about herself? Some of these girls have got to be getting close.

    • 83
    • FAVS
    EntionoarStephPedalDownTheDanielleRockbrandonmeehan____ElSeanimalAngreaTotallyAllenziuqrd
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    nottofyTheDanielleRockFavstar500Favscatelmore_redpawn3garyrwicks
  • kaiakaiakaia
      kaia @kaiakaiakaia

    Things always start to look up when you remember that you're just an online degree away from being a private investigator.

    • 80
    • FAVS
    NaomiNeedsBlotterMonkeybrandonmeehan____ixSEANxiLedRepublican____jeff_ratfamily____ElSeanimalKentMadoon
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    _mishal__________Favstar500Favsfavstar_popredpawn3snowdog13________MrOrenWagnerkirkyguy__
    redpawn3
  • kaiakaiakaia
      kaia @kaiakaiakaia

    Unemployment getting you down? Give yourself a promotion. Today I'm a stay-at-home astronaut.

    • 61
    • FAVS
    arethieme________PhillipBlankKittySaysMeeowLMitch24skeeter4321DumbassadorWhym4msea206
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    Whym4ANativeWithAGunfermeablemmmmedusaNadaDamnThingGoodBadThingTheDanielleRockFavstar500Favs
  • kaiakaiakaia
      kaia @kaiakaiakaia

    Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.

    • 72
    • FAVS
    BlotterMonkeybrandonmeehan____luhrsmanHandofToddElSeanimalTotallyAllenziuqrdkramediggles
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    jimmykinkaderedpawn3Favstar500FavsMelindaRWeirScibbity
  • kaiakaiakaia
      kaia @kaiakaiakaia

    Things I am best at: Forgetting coffee mugs in the microwave, getting unintentionally pregnant.

    • 73
    • FAVS
    NaomiNeedsBlotterMonkeyKory_4dluhrsmanHandofToddElSeanimalAngreaTotallyAllen
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    redpawn3Favstar500Favsmytweecwetlife____
  • kaiakaiakaia
      kaia @kaiakaiakaia

    Men greatly overestimate a woman's desire to be emailed pictures of dicks.

    • 62
    • FAVS
    BlotterMonkeyKory_4dPatrickDieterHandofToddMrOrenWagnerJessicaFancyPixieBelz________Steve1nDeed______
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    BigDaddyVatoHauntedRockCake__Canela023Notlipstiklesbo__that1whitebitch__Favstar500Favsredpawn3MzzFortune
  • kaiakaiakaia
      kaia @kaiakaiakaia

    According to his baby book, I lost all interest in my child when he turned 5 months old.

    • 59
    • FAVS
    Kory_4dHandofToddBJewell_d________ElSeanimalTotallyAllenziuqrdkramedigglesjimmykinkade
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500Favsmozcinvagstarawkwrdlywrded____redpawn3flacxo___________phnxrising________okbuhbye____
  • kaiakaiakaia
      kaia @kaiakaiakaia

    Nothing tastes as good as sweat pants feel.

    • 60
    • FAVS
    RICK__CORBETT__StephPedalDownTheDanielleRockluhrsmanHandofToddElSeanimalziuqrdjimmykinkade
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    nottofyTheDanielleRockFavstar500Favsbingopajamasfavstar_popredpawn3HeyRuthyHthekat0711
  • kaiakaiakaia
      kaia @kaiakaiakaia

    "Hey Mom! Wanna watch me punch Elmo?" -you have no idea.

    • 52
    • FAVS
    Kory_4dHandofToddboognish76__________ElSeanimalTotallyAllenziuqrdjimmykinkadeYrBaristaHatesU
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsMontanaMama______redpawn3
    redpawn3
  • kaiakaiakaia
      kaia @kaiakaiakaia

    For the past 3 days I've woken up to, "Mom! Look at my penis, its huge!" It never ceases to amaze you, does it boys?

    • 52
    • FAVS
    HandofToddMrOrenWagnerBluruguboognish76__________ElSeanimalAngreaTotallyAllenziuqrd
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Favstar500Favs
  • kaiakaiakaia
      kaia @kaiakaiakaia

    disappointment looks like a minivan and tastes like cheap champagne.

    • 44
    • FAVS
    HandofToddElSeanimalYrBaristaHatesUS_u_z_e______________JTQuestdannydogmouthSINNEDZILoriginaljackass__
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    hoochifiedredpawn3angrywhtgurlTWM71
  • kaiakaiakaia
      kaia @kaiakaiakaia

    In case you forgot, dry-humping used to be a thing.

    • 42
    • FAVS
    RICK__CORBETT__TheDanielleRockHandofToddMrOrenWagnerElSeanimalYrBaristaHatesUblurryfotodannydogmouth
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    KTNew10Peeking_At_YouTheDanielleRockthefirstdarkmytweecwetlife____
  • kaiakaiakaia
      kaia @kaiakaiakaia

    You can accurately predict which Jeopardy contestant will win by how uncomfortable their "funny story" makes you.

    • 40
    • FAVS
    Kory_4dLedRepublican____ElSeanimalTotallyAllenMASSINACTIONYrBaristaHatesUUnattainablyMEGabeKawczynski
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    MASSINACTIONGencoOliveOilCo
  • kaiakaiakaia
      kaia @kaiakaiakaia

    I wonder what other mind blowing accomplishments the guy who first put carpet in a bathroom is up to.

    • 42
    • FAVS
    HandofToddMrOrenWagnerElSeanimalAngreaYrBaristaHatesUdomesticHblurryfotoGabeKawczynski
  • kaiakaiakaia
      kaia @kaiakaiakaia

    It's funny how sometimes we say things that we mean.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    HandofToddTotallyAllenWatsteinYrBaristaHatesUdiroseyUnattainablyMETrainedHedonistKory_4d
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    thegadgetaddictfavstar_popctopher2069bbhermitjunkyardigan______domesticH
    domesticH
  • kaiakaiakaia
      kaia @kaiakaiakaia

    Shocked to find out that Subarus can play other music besides the Indigo Girls.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    Kory_4dHandofToddMrOrenWagnerMostlyPregnantYrBaristaHatesUdomesticHblurryfotodannydogmouth
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    lovemedeadtrialfemmeoinkflap
  • kaiakaiakaia
      kaia @kaiakaiakaia

    Every bad decision can be traced back to that time you thought bangs were a good idea.

    • 33
    • FAVS
    almedaweight872__ariekolda11Cb__OllieaaivBeckyytar________Jonidsji____Tamaraxpq________Andrewiaen________Henriettexghra____
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    TheDanielleRockiheartguntsHiHighHigher
@kaiakaiakaia

@kaiakaiakaia

an aggressive Marc Summers