Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Not to brag, but I can have any guy I don't want.
I can't get the room dark enough to justify fucking you.
I'm one of those people that no one warned you about.
IS YOUR WEDDING GOING TO BE OPEN CASKET?
My boyfriend says that wearing a chastity belt topless is "sending mixed signals".
The only thing I can offer a child is fetal alcohol syndrome.
I wish I could meet a guy with Serena Williams body.
In drug years, I'm dead.
There's a strange relief in finally knowing how little you meant to someone.
I wish my mind would give me the silent treatment.
I no longer have orgasms. I just tap out.
What kind of sick fuck tries to make eye contact before noon?
I do my best cheerleading during bar fights.
It's not poetry, if it's not written in blood.
Owen Wilson's nose wants a scoop of ice cream.
I have issues that only a prison inmate would love.
Thought I was seeing a beautiful sunset, but it was just a gang of pelicans dismembering a Jehovah's Witness.
I have a landline & pubic hair. Call me.
You look a lot like my next mistake.
It's never too late, but it usually is.
Enchanting mistress of the dark arts of the freckle.