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Not to brag, but I can have any guy I don't want.
I can't get the room dark enough to justify fucking you.
I'm one of those people that no one warned you about.
My boyfriend says that wearing a chastity belt topless is "sending mixed signals".
In drug years, I'm dead.
The only thing I can offer a child is fetal alcohol syndrome.
I wish I could meet a guy with Serena Williams body.
IS YOUR WEDDING GOING TO BE OPEN CASKET?
There's a strange relief in finally knowing how little you meant to someone.
I no longer have orgasms. I just tap out.
I wish my mind would give me the silent treatment.
I do my best cheerleading during bar fights.
It's not poetry, if it's not written in blood.
Owen Wilson's nose wants a scoop of ice cream.
I have issues that only a prison inmate would love.
Thought I was seeing a beautiful sunset, but it was just a gang of pelicans dismembering a Jehovah's Witness.
You look a lot like my next mistake.
It's never too late, but it usually is.
I'm never going to be casual. I'm intense & passionate. I make no apologies. I am a risk worth taking.
I have a landline & pubic hair. Call me.
Enchanting mistress of the dark arts of the freckle