SAUCE CODE: Jake Gyllenhaal is repeatedly sent back in time until he can successfully make hollandaise.
★ ★ ★ ★ ½

Which pot has two thumbs and tyrannicaly rules with absolute power?

Despot.

Jean-Luc Picard and Jean-Luc Godard are not the same person and I’ve just made some unfortunate claims at a dinner party.

I'll credit Baz Luhrmann with one thing. It's pretty audacious to turn The Great Gatsby into an animated feature.

You had a dream where something weird happened? How interesting. I just had a meal where I ate something.

I could murder a burrito right about now.
(A burrito killed my parents.)

THE SPICE OF LIFE: In this new sitcom an Atreides and a Harkonnen put aside their differences while raising an adorable baby sandworm.

FUN FACT: Ironically, Saul Bellow was quite softly spoken.

Spoonerise ‘Matt Damon’ and you get ‘Dat Mamon’. As in, “you know, dat Mammon, one of the seven princes of hell.”

The end times are near.

My Jewish girlfriend can’t stand my Jedi relatives. She doesn’t like my force kin, in other words.

Introducing Terrence Metallic: A robotic superhero that saves the world once every seven-and-a-half-years to a mixed critical response.

It's called teleVISION not teleSOUND. Cut it out with the audio, TV.

You can tell a lot about a person by systematically analysing every single thing they have said and done.

So sorry, m'lady. I thought it was more of a restraining suggestion.

It's been a while since I did any blow but, I have to say, a billion dollars for a gram seems high.

As an atheist I find all this talk of daylight savings confusing.

Maybe even a little offensive.

My barber cut my hair into a looping spiral against my will.

I know, foist whorled problems.

Eventually someone will add a soundtrack of dissonant, atonal humming to their video art. The world will change that day.

CREATIVITY TIP: Guys, it’s important to take breaks. Like, in my case, your entire twenties.

My deep, abiding sadness seems pretty sustainable. Let’s make a car run on that.