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Can't wait to wake up wish I went to bed earlier hate my job realize there are people without one feel bad smoke pot stay up drinking again
I'm most graceful after I put my nephew down for a nap and tip-toe out only to fall down a flight of stairs and wreck a folding table
The only thing I think of when I hear church choirs is a tiny Macaulay Culkin waiting for his family to reappear
I'm on a whole foods diet so I never eat just half of my Baconator
I love you marijuana but you have definitely made me about 16% pure stupid. Or would it be stupidity? Fuck. What was the question?
Stuff your feelings up your ass, smuggle them to Mexico and sell them to Juan for 10 bags of cocaine
My real life shit quota has recently peaked and my funny has subsequently taken a hiatus. Sedative and alcohol donations will be accepted
I just tried to go for a run and I'm pretty sure I went into cardiac arrest, broke both legs and had an abortion
Shut your cock pocket CHARLENE your opinion doesn't matter because you smell like keish and moth balls
When you first open the bag, beef jerky smells like the most savory fart in the world
I wonder how long before everyone notices I poured NyQuil in their jäger bombs
Asking what my favorite part of 2012 was infers that I remember any of it
Aspiring shitbag. Competitive queefer. Ridiculously handsome.