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Teenage girls are sooo crazy, they scream at concerts. Not like these adult male football fans, they are sane and normal.
When a guy finally shaves his winter beard, I am like "Oh great, now I have to shave my legs."
Beauty tip- you don't have to wash your face when you are drunk because we are all going to die.
i hope a bear never sneaks into my house because my first reaction would be to snuggle.
An email I just got, "Critical Period-Donate Blood."
Is eating baby carrots vegetable abortion? When does a carrot become a carrot? When it's still in the ground?
Steph Curry is the East Coast Santa Claus. We go to bed before the game and wake up to see what .gifs he got us.
Orcas favorite food is okra. Just kidding, it's Sea World trainers.
What I look for most in a guy is that I am already married to him. I know it's picky but it just makes things easier.
We should rename our National Parks things like "Second Amendment" and "Prayer in School" so people would be passionate about saving them.
All WebMD articles should start with "Oh no. Yikes. Okay well..."
Glad to hear New York has been so good to multi millionaire Taylor Swift. I was worried for a second it would be tough on her.
The two things I love most now that I'm not pregnant- eating sushi and lying flat on my back.THE BABY ohmygod and the baby I didn't forget
Remember when they made League of Their Own in 1992 and then never had to make another movie about women in sports?
Oh my god. We get it. You know each other. Now stop talking on the train.
Weird how we call a weak person a "pussy" yet I pushed a human out my vagina and men double over when their balls are grazed.
Grandma, can you read this?
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