It's astonishing that Kleenex even needs to advertise considering everyone's depressed and all the porn on the Internet

The only Disney Princess to have a kid was Ariel. She was also the only one born without a vagina. Think about that for a while.

My day today: got scared because I thought I had a cancerous mole on my arm. Licked it. It was chocolate. The end.

...still waiting for my letter, Hogwarts.

My therapist asked me if i lied a lot. I lied and said no.

Few things are as satisfying as unfriending someone on their birthday

What's the difference between tucking someone in and smothering them with a pillow?

Astrophysics makes everything seem insignificant while Linguistics makes everything completely invaluable - best reason to switch majors

A poet and a linguist walk into a bar... I don't know what the punch line is, but it will be punny @nataliekor0

Fuck the C train

I get why terrorists choose airports

The IKEA bathroom smells like old fish and nightmares.

Imagine how dirty a blind person's hands must be.

There's nothing more American than using 'it's not fair' as a valid argument.

Nothing makes me angrier than accidentally reading a retweeted inspirational quote on my timeline.

Karina please try to remember what you are going to get up for before you get up and are inevitably forced to sit back down empty handed.

I'm always embarrassed by my 'Recently Played' list.

According to my couch imprint, my ass is completely spherical

i love that i can stalk people on fb as a couple now

You're such a whorecrux