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we were not put on this earth to work, breed and die. we are here to have fun.
all women are REAL women. whether they're stick thin, or thick. weight doesn't determine anything. stop being dicks.
Ooh, i can't wait to not watch battleship.
my heart dropped for a bit.. cm punk is still champion. thank you based god. #bestintheworld
"sometimes, i like to read the bible in public and yell out, "oh bullshit" - zach galifianakis
watching pete holmes: nice try, the devil and rolling laughing in my bed. ah, my life is sad.
if chad kroeger does actually get a star on hollywood blvd, then i'll know for a fact that anything in life is possible.
each time i read "v day" today, the first thing that popped in my head was "vagina day"
SING TINY DANCER, ELTON JOHN
"i'm a cat person" - i already don't like you.
if you have a tattoo of chris brown's face on your body, i think i hate you more than i hate chris brown.
other people's love makes me want to puke.
i need someone to be weird with me and take me on adventures.
i like weird. i like funny. i really like britney spears. i don't care about most things and i believe everything can be made into a joke.