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Patrick eating a grapefruit: "this is a pretty good orange."
De-cluttering my room. Truly is amazing how many random diddly-wads you can accumulate. Why did I even keep this stuff in the first place?
Just ate all the cashews out of the variety pack... I have a problem.
Eggs make people want to kill themselves.
I want to hug a manatee.
I feel like no one is really applying themselves when it comes to making CD packaging easier to open. #itISrocketscience
Just saw a biker get pulled over by a cop. None of us are safe...
Can you taxidermy people?
Accidentally got free soup at Chick-Fil-A. #SOML
Just texted my brother. Got a "Who is this?" in reply. #mylifeisinshambles
My dad after eating at Jalapeno Tree: "I just don't know why I have to pay now, I'm not even hungry anymore."
#RIPRonPaul... Sorry twitter-trenders killed you off.
I'm really good at making people feel special and "special" at the same time. And that's #doublespecial, if you ask me.