Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Let's Cop Bees *snorts line of bees* Oh man, we should have copped cocaine instead.
My favorite part of a juice cleanse is when you eat cookie dough for breakfast and tell people your on a juice cleanse.
Oh My God everyone GET DOWN!
Nevermind, I was making popcorn and forgot.
I'm not drinking alone because the bible says Jesus is always with me.
Why are butterflies considered "graceful"?
They seriously fly like drunken cunts.
Pick a direction already, jeez!
I'm so Twitter that if you say something funny I'll repeat it word for word.
I'll repeat it word for word.
Pretty mad at myself for keeping my spandex packed away for so long. After living in them for 4 years how could I forget how comfy they are.
I wish I had those piercing ice blue eyes that could laser through people...those are cool...
The premise is simple - don't start none, won't be none.
Not cool that Justin Timberlake referred to Madonna as his "mother chucking ninja." How many moms need to get chucked before we get serious?
Son peed his pants at 4am, daughter at 5, then my dog pissed on the floor at 6. Worst 3 things to happen in a row since the Jonas brothers.
Sunday morning. The inside of my head feels like a Johnny Cash song.
Scratches waterboarded off bucket list
Facebook feed contains statuses of people condemning Michael Brown instead of the man who shot him. Cleaning house.
If I saw a dragon I'd probably have the same reaction as when I see some really sweet boobs.
"Please be real please be real please be real"
can't imagine anything more beautiful than waking up to bed pizza
Hide behind the curtains of shame and lies, it still looks pathetic