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Every survival kit should Include a sense of humor.
You can tell a lot about someone by being a gossiping rod that likes to talk about people.
Know what's great about being trapped with two teens and a horny husband during an ice storm?
Seriously, I'm asking because this suuuucks
This mother on a Xmas commercial said she bought her son a docking station...I just totally pictured exactly what you're thinking.
You're an Infidel, Charlie Brown
Stephen King joins Twitter so I guess we all do die at the end.
They should really make an Avatar: The Last Airbender movie.
The speed of Kung Fu Fighting is a little overrated.
I don't think it's anywhere near fast as lightning.
Catch ya girl hovering eyeless above the void, creating MAD distance between herself & anyone who could possibly, in the slightest, love her
Pitch Perfect is one of the best movies ever!!!!!
I tweet garbage.
Paging Doctor Whisky. Doctor Whisky, please report to my belly immediately.
Anyone who unironically uses the phrase “the land of the free and the home of the brave” while making an argument should be deported.
Do you ever not follow someone because they’ve written your when they meant you’re?
*looks down at his erection* whoooaaa, check this guy out hahaha
Doctor: I'm not sure how to tell you this, but your father is hella lame.