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The number of syllables in your coffee order is directly proportional to how big of an asshole you are.
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~ Corduroy pants
"I want a lady in the streets and a lady in the streets." - exhibitionist
A guardian angel sounds less effective than a guardian dude who knows martial arts.
I like Gala apples because when I think "fancy special occasion" I think "apple".
I should get a bonus every time I reference my penis in a sales pitch without anybody noticing.
We could just call religious unions 'holy matrimony' and just let everyone else have 'marriage'... Or we could just grow up.
If Katy Perry accepts my prom invite I've got so much to do, like find a prom that'll let a 36 year old & Katy Perry in
WEDNESDAY: BEERHIVE in the STRIP DISTRICT, Comedy @ 8PM, Hosted by Aaron Kleiber, $6 Dozen Wings! $2.50 Yuengs! 2117 Penn Ave
"I put the vato in elevator." I whisper softly in her ear as she clutches her purse tighter.
Oh I get it! You're using the cucumber like its a penis! Hahaha! Well aren't you clever..
Tip: Throw Catholics off today by walking around with a hashtag symbol on your forehead.
Pac-Man is a metaphor for running away from the "ghosts" of your past by binge eating until you're backed into a corner of fear and death.