@kellydeal's most faved Tweets...
Uh-oh. Trader Joe's is playing "Shout". Hold my Mueslix while I get a little bit softer now. I SAID HOLD MY FUCKING MUESLIX.
My hair is 6 inches shorter & a totally new color but nobody said one word at the staff meeting, they were just all, "Why are you so drunk?"
You can tell a lot about a person during the opening of Queen's "Under Pressure" depending on how bummed they are it's not "Ice Ice Baby".
Tell your 19 year old intern “Corey Haim died” and her blank stare will shame you right the fuck back into getting on with your day.
Seriously guys, ramen noodles are very versatile. You can eat them w/ or without all the crying over every bad decision that's led you here.
This is bullshit, the other ladies want to kick me out of their little baking club just for putting a sex dungeon in the gingerbread house.
"Are you afraid you'll regret never having children?" CHASE Bank's online security questions are a little out of control.
How much can you bench press? No, BENCH PRESS. Not FRENCH PRESS. Man, they are literally going to kill you in prison.
What's the term for spotting your EX in stained sweat pants at the grocery store sample station snarfing down free pesto? Oh, yeah: I WIN.
Pro-Tipsy: drinking is the best way to kill time waiting for cookies to cool before decorating WOOOHOOO WHO WANTS MOTHERFUCKIN SPRINKLES
Anyone need to change the channel? No? OK, just let me know if you change your mind. I apparently put my TV remote in my purse just in case.
"What's 'lost potential'? Why are you crying? Can I have my tiara back?" My niece asks too many questions when we play Make Believe lately.
Shit, totally forgot to send Christmas cards. Do you KNOW how much it costs to rent a baby in a sweater vest this late in the year? Fuck it.
To be fair, any Olympic athlete is free to come over & make snarky comments about my sweat pants as I watch videos on how to poach eggs.
Great first date tonight! He asked all the deep questions: my date of birth, mother's maiden name, city I was born! Cross fingers, guys!!
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