think I spooked hot neighbor when I told him "i love watching you sit on yr patio in the sun. it makes me happy." i meant "see" not "watch"

from the 17 yo's peanut-gallery room just now: "Twitter is old people talking to themselves!" Wonder what he's making himself for dinner?

Sweet fancy Moses it's Fish Taco Friday @tacotontos! Add citrus cilantro sauce to a double-wrap & enjoy the tastegasm. Wish I got 2!

It was 56º when I got up this morning. Now it's so frickin' hot it feels like NE Ohio is tucked up under Hugh Jackman's balls.

back straight, boobies out, fingers crossed, tongue tied. what do I have to draw you a picture?

it's so hot out that walking to the neighbor's just now, my bra fused to my torso. I need the jaws of life to extricate me from my bra.

Dude from the group home is out in the driveway yelling "FUCK for two! FUCK for two!"

Two bucks? Two-for-one?

I love my neighborhood.

someone in this house is under the mistaken impression that I give two shits that she once again doesn't like what I'm making for dinner.

I put on my fleece pants and they smelled like sink scum & now I need to pour my vanilla bean sugar on the floor & roll around in it, naked.

It's time to sign off of the internet & go interact with the other adult in the house in a way that indicates we're married. (hot pickles)

What do you mean I can't be sad I didn't win Narrative Magazine's prize for fiction because I didn't submit my work? That beside the point.

Based on the ungodly sounds coming out of the chicken tractor this morning, one of our new hens is apparently a rooster. Fuck-a-doodle-doo.

Goodness, is it Tequila Tuesday *already*?

Tonight I take a shot every time a wave of oh-shit-I-have-no-work panic washes over me.

Why do kids have to be so blamdam mean to each other. Also: will I go to jail for bitch slapping the fat little neighbor boy? Worth it? Yes.

Dude. You're in a Smart Car. Does tailgating my Silverado 4-door long bed in heavy traffic qualify as "smart"? I can't even see your head.

If I die of malaria tomorrow, it's because my back yard is a plague of mosquitos & I was too stupid to come inside after dinner. Darwinian.

catbird yowling in the dead of night

take that fucked up noise & fucking fly

far from here

I am only waiting for this shotgun to reload

fucking everybody in this fucking house can just fucking fuck the fuck off, fuckers. fuck.

got manure in my bra. shitty titties.

I wonder if my family will notice if I spend the rest of the afternoon throwing away all of their belongings...