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  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    If you can name 5 Kardashians but can't name 5 countries in Asia, stick a knife in an electrical socket.

    • 3,178
    • FAVS
    maroon5luvskiwilydthefrogAllyFiestaalovesong4uCatfishGoneWildAnniekzn_atiqahaziziHannibalsNips
    • 9,765
    • RETWEETS
    cuibono182bluharmonyCatfishGoneWildBloviate_BarbiejjhattinghSDdeckoffBigMK2002bbyvelociraptor
    BwanaChrisSmithWit
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Billy Ray Cyrus & Alan Thicke, please pick up your children.

    • 4,272
    • FAVS
    BlametheADHDreconstructpdkristenmchugh22starfishncoffeeGlove_MonkeyScorpio1080Jeni_Deckerrevious
    • 6,176
    • RETWEETS
    SCSilkMelaNinCholySarahListerHipploytastarfishncoffeeGlove_MonkeyScorpio1080thatcarlygirl
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Cain, Perry, Bachmann all claimed God told them to run for President, and all are out of the race. God is hilarious.

    • 1,543
    • FAVS
    ApostasyPandaCatfishGoneWildMonicaHappyMomanandsaysTetGamesLtdPAT_E_ROCKBig_Tuck_________Lerky
    • 8,055
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWildAdhi_ESTcarbeyebchovoskibotanicalbirdcomavgurujumph4xfinlives
    jaminLawNot_From_TroyMitchBurke
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Christine O'Donnell: 'If evolution is real why are there still monkeys?'
    Well Christine, education is real and there are still morons.

    • 1,952
    • FAVS
    CatfishGoneWildsales4_startupsOkieGirl405beepsjrLerkyled_edveddertjappleEvanMoyle
    • 7,421
    • RETWEETS
    thugaliciousmomCatfishGoneWildPAT_E_ROCKKimberley_Codyled_edveddertjapplebourbonroadRoyceSimpson
    PAT_E_ROCKKate_GoldsmithtitsNtatertotsBlueRobotDesignYidago____________
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Hobby Lobby says no to birth control pills but yes to covering employees vasectomies, if you were wondering what it's like to be a woman.

    • 3,802
    • FAVS
    donnavillarinobitofallwriteKittyKaitlinMeowndyAubreyWoodwardEm_TaylorkelcithesmithCourtneyCrowley
    • 4,516
    • RETWEETS
    ang_alejandroolicityandcoNot2ShabbyAbbeyalexmbustilloFeliceNavidad_awaaynastepstateUnikittyRoars
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Tweeting "Unfollow" is like crashing a party you weren't invited to, then announcing you're leaving when no one even knew you were there.

    • 2,677
    • FAVS
    BlametheADHDCatfishGoneWildsqueakyfrommeyayaaaaa_PAT_E_ROCKJasmineLuminousgwrm2013Lerky
    • 4,959
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWildVirusinthebronxPAT_E_ROCKluisalopez4011gwrm2013led_edveddertjappleJanee_Archie
    UpturnedBathtubPelonGomis
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Justin Bieber really is our King Joffrey.

    • 3,106
    • FAVS
    JacklynRoarkillthoughtsJakeWaterMongrelxolaurenhunterrmariabrian93JonesyBeGoodBlametheADHDtahiana_t
    • 4,171
    • RETWEETS
    Rukaya_Kmariabrian93BlametheADHDCatfishGoneWildAiyanaBautistabeaminonzioPAT_E_ROCKsarahfangirls
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    TIP: If you want to find the biggest asshole at your party, leave an acoustic guitar out.

    • 2,440
    • FAVS
    brewma47icarusaccountCatfishGoneWildbjburtonSQLGatorbeefarinoOhMattyBoyShredderBabe
    • 3,441
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWildNazaratHussainPAT_E_ROCKKimberley_Codyeetothgwrm2013led_edveddertjapple
    TominusPrime
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Everyone crying at that puppy/horse commercial?? That's what PMS feels like.

    • 3,264
    • FAVS
    CatfishGoneWildmeghak_BobbyAwfulPAT_E_ROCKPAgusDAgusP______Erfquake3000MichaelEsposi11Lerky
    • 2,394
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWildPAT_E_ROCKbbyvelociraptorsabrakadabrakabikirbyhuehuelcchandufffamilymomDakotahQuayle
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    When someone says, "If evolution is real, why are there still monkeys?"
    Tell them, "Education is real and there are still morons."

    • 2,214
    • FAVS
    CatfishGoneWildJcrouch1978ameo02Mon_Mendo420blankmanBobbyAwfulPAT_E_ROCKekeked
    • 3,323
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWildameo02Mon_MendoCrooksJDBobbyAwfulPAT_E_ROCKLyndaFernandez1TeejayRush
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Sometimes it feels like people who love Jesus forget he was a liberal Jew who hung out with a bunch of bros & a whore & gave people wine.

    • 2,002
    • FAVS
    BobbyAwfulPAT_E_ROCKMattJMartelliam_eagleLerkyled_edveddertjappleEvanMoyle
    • 3,375
    • RETWEETS
    thugaliciousmomPAT_E_ROCKled_edveddertjappleNo_Por_FavorchristinawilderSkinnyVyEndroit
    JhonRules
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    The biggest crime is that we don't get to see Chris Farley guest spot on SNL as Rob Ford.

    • 2,160
    • FAVS
    CatfishGoneWildCleanAdriaticAnitaDeemsSilleVionaked_dragonPAT_E_ROCKOona_LeftLerky
    • 3,118
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWildPAT_E_ROCKVanillaTessabiggarfyup_its_me_mVintageRaebakerfleetThisKateKre
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    FYI- This is my favorite tweet of all time. pic.twitter.com/iwYM6YQw

    • 2,883
    • FAVS
    Samantha_ReiCatfishGoneWildUlrikaCampbellKellyScallion29PrinzAdiPigDogWhoreSilleVioBricScott
    • 2,270
    • RETWEETS
    whittakerjamie_PigDogWhorePAT_E_ROCKLerkymxeyslyphonf3rn4n2qqual
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    You know how sometimes as you fall asleep your whole body jolts you awake? That's a ghost finishing sex with you.

    • 1,228
    • FAVS
    CatfishGoneWildPigDogWhoreSilleVioPAT_E_ROCKFreewilly209nayomeewallacexanax__plzConstantlyjosh
    • 3,562
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWildPigDogWhorePAT_E_ROCKAkshon_BastardchristinawildertheredsnapperCountMackulaTominusPrime
    MutedBSartist
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Cee-Lo laid the egg that Lady Gaga came out of.

    • 403
    • FAVS
    BlametheADHDCatfishGoneWildPAT_E_ROCKFowntondanforthfranceHulkingMSJasonBerlinDonnie_Fairburn
    • 4,246
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWildPAT_E_ROCKAdhi_ESTjeffaugusto_MartinaaAdam______MEGraybush________Lord_HungwellaIeventura
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Web MD is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book where the ending is always cancer.

    • 1,765
    • FAVS
    JzenStreetsBlametheADHDCatfishGoneWildMrsMikePattonSilleVioryangriffithsPAT_E_ROCKshrike45
    • 2,757
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWildfavstar_historyPAT_E_ROCKElleBoynton______TheRobRetort______Withane_LindseyLABeachmomchristinawilder
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Tila Tequila and Britney Spears new video are trending higher than Nelson Mandela and that's why we can't have nice things.

    • 1,921
    • FAVS
    BlametheADHDCatfishGoneWildFurmeister1TilsonBruhPAT_E_ROCKCaseyisRadOona_LeftErfquake3000
    • 2,413
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWildIIMKristenBell____PAT_E_ROCKdanakadlectayllaaroseHawgLegHendrixkacilynnzimbohdisativa
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Trying on clothing at H&M reminds me that children are terrible at sewing.

    • 1,215
    • FAVS
    HannahTheGeecajunlove127CatfishGoneWildSilleVioPAT_E_ROCKRukaya_KnayomeewallaceNastyyNattt
    • 3,030
    • RETWEETS
    cajunlove127CatfishGoneWildPAT_E_ROCKRukaya_KBeeAWhyxanax__plzpampimparuqiyawarsame_
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    The flag of Mexico is a picture of an eagle eating a rattlesnake while standing on a cactus and that's why you don't fuck with a Mexican.

    • 1,434
    • FAVS
    adambone1991JadSaad99hinobyeeplaylikegermansAhmadRaffayBlametheADHDCatfishGoneWildMarioPonce721
    • 2,757
    • RETWEETS
    sceneawwnTheHerreraPassozair70ssyysikandersidikiMyDixonCiderplaylikegermansiBasitt
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Just so everyone is aware: If your kid drowns in the family pool, you totally don't have to hide the body. #CaseyAnthony #closingarguments

    • 473
    • FAVS
    CatfishGoneWildPAT_E_ROCKJumpingJesusHturndownfornapsPelonGomismoiragallagaTeeS900__________AndLive2Love
    • 3,633
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWildPAT_E_ROCKAdhi_ESTMartinaaAdam______aIeventurabrownpoopypantsTehPucukIDZippy522
@kellyoxford

@kellyoxford

I want to be the kind of girl Beyonce would be proud of. New York Times Bestselling Author. I am your Perestroika. Instagram: kellyoxford