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  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    If you can name 5 Kardashians but can't name 5 countries in Asia, stick a knife in an electrical socket.

    • 3,184
    • FAVS
    AndLive2LoveconnectformusicMariamElSouriHollysaysrawrrDinaElGewelikyyyyweeLiz_pell2ellenguilia
    • 9,769
    • RETWEETS
    krystAmacintosHAndLive2LoveadindwicakjennywebahconnectformusicCrazyEnadeegeemindisee8875
    deegeemindiBwanaChrisSmithWit
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Billy Ray Cyrus & Alan Thicke, please pick up your children.

    • 4,276
    • FAVS
    nancyhoffnerpapasunclemrs_braymanBooknerd_MommaBrewHimselfHifiveStevSal0630AndLive2Love
    • 6,177
    • RETWEETS
    geesumkristinawhite31jenidawnhaleyandaddisonBLONDEisLOVElifewith_rileySal0630AndLive2Love
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Cain, Perry, Bachmann all claimed God told them to run for President, and all are out of the race. God is hilarious.

    • 1,547
    • FAVS
    AndLive2LovePsi_BliskanneymarieparamvoraDinaElGewelidvfelarcawiggles1centApostasyPanda
    • 8,055
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWildAdhi_ESTcarbeyebchovoskibotanicalbirdcomavgurujumph4xfinlives
    RNGinxNot_From_TroyMitchBurke
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Christine O'Donnell: 'If evolution is real why are there still monkeys?'
    Well Christine, education is real and there are still morons.

    • 1,957
    • FAVS
    AndLive2LoveoliviasadlierDinaElGewelianandsaysKitsch_BluesCatfishGoneWildsales4_startupsOkieGirl405
    • 7,421
    • RETWEETS
    VictorTogundethugaliciousmomCatfishGoneWildPAT_E_ROCKKimberley_Codyled_edveddertjapplebourbonroad
    PAT_E_ROCKKate_GoldsmithtitsNtatertotsBlueRobotDesignYidago____________
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Hobby Lobby says no to birth control pills but yes to covering employees vasectomies, if you were wondering what it's like to be a woman.

    • 3,816
    • FAVS
    AndLive2Lovezuhreenuh7katefrannyAimeeDaniels_deegeemindideminatorjamesbondgirl02smilely_gal
    • 4,516
    • RETWEETS
    MiraIcykatiemrandallasrodneyoneharmlessonejamesbondgirl02sofilombaHannahMBradshawjoshuab92
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Tweeting "Unfollow" is like crashing a party you weren't invited to, then announcing you're leaving when no one even knew you were there.

    • 2,687
    • FAVS
    AndLive2Loveconnectformusicgottgilinskyloulou34flovisasmith088DatNolaSamanneymarieDinaElGeweli
    • 4,964
    • RETWEETS
    gottgilinskyloulou34f___crazyyyysteve_y78CelsoPiazziCatfishGoneWildVirusinthebronxPAT_E_ROCK
    UpturnedBathtubPelonGomis
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Justin Bieber really is our King Joffrey.

    • 3,108
    • FAVS
    nouriasivaBLONDEisLOVEAndLive2LoveHNTorontoChelseaKaneBROoooohlaDinaElGewelilexiebadawy
    • 4,172
    • RETWEETS
    AndLive2LoveRukaya_Kmariabrian93BlametheADHDCatfishGoneWildAiyanaBautistabeaminonzioPAT_E_ROCK
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    What else can be said. I guess you never know what is happening inside another human. Be kind to each other.

    • 3,242
    • FAVS
    AndLive2LoveLNShanklinSullivankaty08liamccaDirtyJJamesSm_Investingclairekroegermoiragallaga
    • 2,843
    • RETWEETS
    connectformusicpolaroxdits_bandleEleSyron_meghanward_evem3281TallCanadienbeingjen_247
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    TIP: If you want to find the biggest asshole at your party, leave an acoustic guitar out.

    • 2,444
    • FAVS
    AndLive2Loveuniverse_unfoldanneymarieDinaElGewelideegeemindibrewma47icarusaccountCatfishGoneWild
    • 3,442
    • RETWEETS
    universe_unfolddeegeemindiCatfishGoneWildNazaratHussainPAT_E_ROCKKimberley_Codyeetothgwrm2013
    TominusPrime
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Everyone crying at that puppy/horse commercial?? That's what PMS feels like.

    • 3,266
    • FAVS
    AndLive2LoveDinaElGeweliCatfishGoneWildmeghak_BobbyAwfulPAT_E_ROCKPAgusDAgusP______Erfquake3000
    • 2,394
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWildPAT_E_ROCKbbyvelociraptorsabrakadabrakabikirbyhuehuelcchandufffamilymomDakotahQuayle
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    When someone says, "If evolution is real, why are there still monkeys?"
    Tell them, "Education is real and there are still morons."

    • 2,215
    • FAVS
    AndLive2LovejetsetjenniferCatfishGoneWildJcrouch1978ameo02Mon_Mendo420blankmanBobbyAwful
    • 3,323
    • RETWEETS
    connectformusicCatfishGoneWildameo02Mon_MendoCrooksJDBobbyAwfulPAT_E_ROCKLyndaFernandez1
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Sometimes it feels like people who love Jesus forget he was a liberal Jew who hung out with a bunch of bros & a whore & gave people wine.

    • 2,006
    • FAVS
    AndLive2LoveDinaElGeweliemmazzzzzheathererrrKitsch_BluesBobbyAwfulPAT_E_ROCKMattJMartel
    • 3,375
    • RETWEETS
    YodaTrophythugaliciousmomPAT_E_ROCKled_edveddertjappleNo_Por_FavorchristinawilderSkinnyVy
    JhonRules
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    The biggest crime is that we don't get to see Chris Farley guest spot on SNL as Rob Ford.

    • 2,161
    • FAVS
    AndLive2LoveOhFUwCmiss_dealfinderwatchdongsCatfishGoneWildCleanAdriaticAnitaDeemsSilleVio
    • 3,118
    • RETWEETS
    OhFUwCCatfishGoneWildPAT_E_ROCKVanillaTessabiggarfyup_its_me_mVintageRaebakerfleet
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    FYI- This is my favorite tweet of all time. pic.twitter.com/iwYM6YQw

    • 2,884
    • FAVS
    AndLive2LoveMitchSabensTheJReesepirategrltkissssashhhromSamantha_ReiCatfishGoneWild
    • 2,270
    • RETWEETS
    And5rewThompsonjamiew808PigDogWhorePAT_E_ROCKLerkymxeyslyphonf3rn4n2
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    You know how sometimes as you fall asleep your whole body jolts you awake? That's a ghost finishing sex with you.

    • 1,231
    • FAVS
    AndLive2Loveamaleeeeeeeeewiggles1centCatfishGoneWildPigDogWhoreSilleVioPAT_E_ROCKThecodfather209
    • 3,562
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWildPigDogWhorePAT_E_ROCKAkshon_BastardchristinawildertheredsnapperCountMackulaTominusPrime
    MutedBSartist
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Cee-Lo laid the egg that Lady Gaga came out of.

    • 405
    • FAVS
    AndLive2Lovewiggles1centBlametheADHDCatfishGoneWildPAT_E_ROCKFowntondanforthfranceHulkingMS
    • 4,246
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWildPAT_E_ROCKAdhi_EST_jeffaugustoMartinaaAdam______MEGraybush________Lord_HungwellaIeventura
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Web MD is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book where the ending is always cancer.

    • 1,766
    • FAVS
    deegeemindiKitsch_BluesJzenStreetsBlametheADHDCatfishGoneWildMrsMikePattonSilleVioryangriffiths
    • 2,758
    • RETWEETS
    deegeemindiCatfishGoneWildfavstar_historyPAT_E_ROCKElleBoynton______TheRobRetort______Withane_LindseyLABeachmom
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Tila Tequila and Britney Spears new video are trending higher than Nelson Mandela and that's why we can't have nice things.

    • 1,921
    • FAVS
    BlametheADHDCatfishGoneWildFurmeister1TilsonBruhPAT_E_ROCKCaseyisRadOona_LeftErfquake3000
    • 2,413
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWildIIMKristenBell____PAT_E_ROCKdanakadlectayllaaroseHawgLegHendrixkacilynnzimJuliusSkeeezer
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    Trying on clothing at H&M reminds me that children are terrible at sewing.

    • 1,219
    • FAVS
    AndLive2LoveIlanaCTKerfuckuswiggles1centHannahTheGeecajunlove127CatfishGoneWildSilleVio
    • 3,030
    • RETWEETS
    paisleyboxerscajunlove127CatfishGoneWildPAT_E_ROCKRukaya_KBeeAWhyxanax__plzpampimpa
  • kellyoxford
      kelly oxford @kellyoxford

    The flag of Mexico is a picture of an eagle eating a rattlesnake while standing on a cactus and that's why you don't fuck with a Mexican.

    • 1,437
    • FAVS
    marianapaola03AndLive2LovejoaquinsaysSxSambaanneymariedeegeemindiadambone1991JadSaad99
    • 2,759
    • RETWEETS
    marianapaola03alemraneroAndLive2LovedeegeemindisceneawwnOverratedHassanozair70ssyy__
@kellyoxford

@kellyoxford

New York Times Bestselling Author. I want to be the kind of girl Beyonce would be proud of. I am your Perestroika Instagram: kellyoxford