On the journey of life, I chose the psycho path.

It's scientifically proven that women can be satisfied with only 3.5 inches, and it doesn't matter if it's a Visa or MasterCard.

What do you call bears with no ears?

B

I'd be skinnier if it wasn't for food.

I don't know what I'd do without Twitter. Probably my work.

I wonder how long I'd be on hold if my call wasn't important to them.

'Dammit I'm mad' spelled backwards is 'Dammit I'm mad'.

Discovering a funny Twitterer is like finding an X on a treasure map.

To kill a circus, go for the juggler.

Thanks to Twitter it takes me 10 hours to watch one movie.

I'm addicted to Twitter. Home is where I hang my @

Ever notice how the people who tell you to calm down are the ones who got you all riled up in the first place?

The first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest.

"Get off Twitter. Get off Twitter." - Me to myself about every 20 minutes

The American four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.

2,000 lbs. of Chinese soup = won ton

Take my advice. I don't use it anyway.

I think the key to liking yourself is setting up a second Facebook account.

How to Be Annoying on Twitter

1) TWEET LIKE THIS

2) Tw33t l1k3 th15

3) #tweet #like #this

4) Tell people how to tweet

I just learned what a subtweet is. Now I'm paranoid.