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Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.
"If at first you don't succeed, roll a blunt and smoke some weed."
Surprise sex is the best thing you can wake up to. Unless you're in prison.
Roses are red, violets are red, tulips are red, bushes are red, trees are red. I set your garden on fire.
I would assume wookie meat is a bit chewy.
it's only tmi if you're ugly.
I want all duck face makers to be cursed with duck face forever. It's 2012 you guys, cut it out.
Wish me luck in the Olympics! Just kidding, I'm on my 4th cupcake.
I'll take Singing To Your Cat for 400, Alex.
What is a "social life" and where can I download one?
Trix used to be fruit shaped, now theyre just round. what if theyre still fruit shaped but I cant see b/c Im an adult and Trix are for kids.
eating a beef taco hot pocket at 2am watching cartoons. gentlemen, please, form a single file line.
you can tell a lot about a person from their biography.
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