Dear lord, thank you for these noodles I am about to eat. Ramen.

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.

"If at first you don't succeed, roll a blunt and smoke some weed."

Hey! You! My website is back up! Spread the word :) http://t.co/ew7VbpTj <3

Surprise sex is the best thing you can wake up to. Unless you're in prison.

Roses are red, violets are red, tulips are red, bushes are red, trees are red. I set your garden on fire.

nice try, ranch. pic.twitter.com/4gKgk74f

I would assume wookie meat is a bit chewy.

butts. 👍

yup.  http://yfrog.com/odwr4fdj 

it's only tmi if you're ugly.

I want all duck face makers to be cursed with duck face forever. It's 2012 you guys, cut it out.

This is probably one of the greatest things I've ever seen. http://t.co/uJo2CyBx

Wish me luck in the Olympics! Just kidding, I'm on my 4th cupcake.

I'll take Singing To Your Cat for 400, Alex.

What is a "social life" and where can I download one?

almost there. #billmurray  http://instagram.com/p/XoYGAZqMX5/ 

eating a beef taco hot pocket at 2am watching cartoons. gentlemen, please, form a single file line.

tanik -  http://wp.me/P3d1Tq-1 

The blue whale is so large that if you laid it longways on a basketball court, the game would be canceled.