The governments of China, Iran, North Korea, Somalia, Sudan and Syria would like to congratulate the United States.

While on my bike this morning a motorist yelled: "Get on the sidewalk!" So I shouted back: "Obama is NOT a Muslim!" Teachable moment.

Hint: if you're not funny the other 364 days of the year, there's a good chance your April Fool's "joke" isn't funny either.

And screw this gracious revisionism. Mitt Romney is *not* an "honest and decent man."

Happy birthday Ronald Reagan. Thank you for hardcore punk.

Avoid the Marina. Out of control fans are double parking and insisting on complimentary zinfandel pours. #sfgiants

CNN is reporting that people are tweeting that Al Jazeera is reporting that the ruling party headquarters is on fire.

Good news: Bill Gates is a billionaire and Jenny McCarthy is not. http://t.co/ZWKSzBK

My talk from #productsf: How to work with software engineers  http://goo.gl/p7OUN 

That's a creative way to avoid facing Brian Wilson.

RIP naming your child Mitch.

No matter your politics, you have to respect Kentucky for their open-mindedness in electing Ru Paul to the Senate.

The NY Times writer who wrote bin Laden's obituary died in 2010. http://goo.gl/hqehX

@mike_ftw Bush is no longer the owner. After last night's loss he bailed and left Obama to pick up the mess.

While you bathe in Yankees Schadenfreude, remember this: George W. Bush celebrates with you.

Fact: the three sides of the @delta logo represent pain, suffering, and treachery.

Show me on this Constitution where the TSA man touched you.

My schedule today looks brutally oppressive.

Oh right, Columbus Day.

@mike_ftw please do not overlook the real victim here: Brad Pitt. So brave.

Just had a freak-out because my phone wasn't in my pocket. Turns out I was using my phone and it was in my hands.