If you are one of those who hang out on the street and pretend to be friendly to strangers so they can pledge money to a charity, FUCK YOU

Phoenix I am in you!

I have never walked through NYC at night for longer than an hour without seeing at least one person crying. Happy Friday!

Brady is on the bench waiting for his boner to go away after getting Justin Tuck's penis super close to his face.

Want to make a football fan's head explode? Say this: SO EXCITED ABOUT THE SUPERBALL!!!

You know who else bans websites? The Taliban #stopSOPA

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You know what's the hardest part of parenting? Avoiding the other parents.

The Earth's tilt is the reason for the season.

Today's discussion of religion. http://t.co/o8y3Y4PW

I can't believe LL Bean wants $100 for a Christmas wreath when there are so many free ones on roadside memorials all along the NJ Turnpike.

Fun Fact: Original St. Nicholas resurrected children who were dismembered and put in a pickle barrel. Merry Xmas!

Millions Of Desperate Americans Resort To Adding Turkey To Their Corn Flakes Just To Use It Up.

GOP: Obama soft on birds, want him to waterboard turkey, might be part of fowl terrorist cell.

"That's just GREAT." - Every ginger's reaction to seeing a picture of Penn State Assistant Coach Mike McQueary

While we'd LOVE to call the shots at CIA (& in the administration), @michelebachmann has SERIOUSLY overestimated our power. #SheSaidWHAT?

If we build aircraft carriers for basketball games, I can see why the pentagon is a budget issue.

#OCCUPY your liberal arts degree.

It's only Wednesday, and there are already too many Veterans' Day parties to go to.

Armageddon a little tired of all these asteroid jokes.