This is the reason @timothycsimons should be on tumblr.  http://tmblr.co/Z7A3Yyd0Q9xQ 

Straight up: there has never been so clear a winner in any contest than @laurenflans in this rap battle. VOTE.  http://youtu.be/_vIObV0qBaY 

For the low low price of $25, you too can drink champagne from a nightmare. http://t.co/ZQXsqJuY

A guy just rolled up to the urinal next to me and crossed his arms for the duration of urination. I have a lot to learn.

So grateful. I FINALLY had a weird dream about @danlippert.

Finally had a taste of that American dream everyone is talking about (aka $1.50 Costco hot dog/soda combo)

Dark Side of Oz on Vimeo. The Internet: Taking the work out of everything http://t.co/2jPwksxV

Not as new. Still fucking tight. RT @statebirdspirit http://t.co/ttHTMMx New Album. Boom.

Honking is most satisfying when the target is a girl learning to drive. Get used to it kid.

@heyjustin @dlippert that's a temporary solution if I've ever seen one.

Today is a great day to trick myself into thinking I got a good workout. #justsweaty

@timothycsimons Woah. And with a titular cover, no less.

@allisonfields finish the couplet!!!!!!

If Tony Shalhoub ever hosts snl, there will definitely be a "Tony Shalhoub's sha-lube" sketch. It'll be okay.

@mattjonesisdead this is kinda neat:  http://vult.re/16dCvrK 

I'm a grown man who is sore from playing wiffleball. I am a perfect metaphor for myself.

This should win the gif equivalent of a Pulitzer.  http://tmblr.co/Z7A3YyikZerr 

@timothycsimons Mr Pink. The woman overseeing the name portion assured me it was original enough.

Cool kids, fat pigs.  http://instagram.com/p/X-soFNpqet/ 

The reason everyone is sad and stupid.  http://zite.to/ZMXn0B  via @perlorian