Remember when the Babysitters Club won the lottery? Those bitches got everything.

When you 1st get a Mac: "Aww, spinning rainbow pinwheel! Cute!" 1 year later: "Oh my god rainbow pinwheel I'm going to murder your family."

How to Put Together Your Totally Dibble Claudia Kishi Halloween Costume http://t.co/yb6skGDk

"I hated high school. I don't trust anybody who didn't." - Julie Klausner

If you're old enough for handheld video games, you're too old for a stroller. Get it together, kid! #childlessassholejudgingyourchildren

Remember in the '90s when every frikkin' ABC show sent its cast to Disney World? #tgif

I wanna marry Coach Taylor. But I also wanna marry Tami Taylor. Just wanna be in a three-way marriage w/ some fictional characters, y'all.

Sorry for being so apologetic; I really shouldn't apologize so much. Sorry about that. #sorry

Had a dream I was dating Bruce Patman. Was most excited about getting to ride in 1BRUCE1. I'll never be an adult.

Never met an adverb I didn't absolutely love.

I just whispered to myself "get crazy with the cheez whiz" and then had to google it to figure out why. #soyunperdedor #missu90s

Dan: "I put it away 20 years ago when we quit." Roseanne: "We quit? I just thought we were out." -- Roseanne on marijuana.

You know how Roseanne is supposed to be a comedy but it's actually the saddest show in the world?

Just unironically googled 'is mercury in retrograde'. Turns out 1. no 2. this exists http://t.co/0lsl44H

My patron saint is Our Lady of Smeared Glasses Lenses.

"He has two expressions. That's both of them." -- Brian does not appreciate Fox Mulder the way he should.

Movie talk just led us back to 1998 when Vince Vaughn played Norman Bates. Good times, late 90s. Bad decisions.

RT @MoveOn: Stop the GOP attempt to redefine rape and set women's rights back by decades. Sign the petition: http://bit.ly/i1aZ04 #dearjohn

Who hates Ron Weasley? @courtney_s , that's who. Next she'll be telling me she doesn't think the Weasley twins are funny. #potterblogging

You should maybe listen to less Tori Amos. #tweetyour16yearoldself