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Let my dog out to pee...circles, sniffs, circles sniffs..... repeats....repeats...repeats...TAKE A PISS ALREADY!!!
Drink a beer and burp the word "ribbit"....keep it classy
"Who throws a cupcake!? Honestly!"
Tortilla = edible napkin....
Dreamt of a dog who followed me around yelling "pancakes! PANCAAAKES!"
It puts the lotion on it's skin....it does this whenever it's told...
Is it wrong that I have an overwhelming urge to give my chiropractor a BJ after an adjustment??
Proficient at all 3 dialects of sarcasm: Witty, dark and smart ass
Mean bitches don't get it....
Drunk: when a fuzzy navel becomes a hairy nipple...
Takes a lotta guts to wear solid white suit bottoms. No room for error what-so-ever..
Th' girls are large and in charge today!!
Candied bacon! Candied bacon! CANDIED FRICKIN BAAAAAACCCCOOON!!!!!
Guys...If she gets overly defensive and turns everything back on u....she fucked him. Plain and simple.
Poop comes at the worst possible time! I love standing in the check out @ Home Depot w/ my butt feeling like a bout to explode bratwurst!
Netflix. Cuz there's no FRIGGIN COMMERCIALS!!!
Life sucks cuz..All my rowdy friends have settled down!