I banged Felix Baumgartner's mom

"@bili_nye_tho: HA PANDAS HAVIN TO EAT EVERY 5 HOURS LOL DEM LITTLE CHUBBY MONSTERS LOVE THEY FOOD" @robertus97

Can somebody tattoo a picture of Kate Upton on the inside of my eyelids please

Are you kidding me? Is this real life? @asiwyfa_band is actually coming to Calgary? I'm crying tears of joy right now. Thank you @sledisland

If this gets 500 RTs I will only tweet about Kony for the rest of my life

I got all choked up like 6 times during the 1st episode of Friday Night Lights. I'm gonna be a fucking mess by the time I finish the series

@easportsnhl ever see an EASHL game go this long? pic.twitter.com/owJgNxYKDO

This is how we play NHL 13 @dannnbrown @andrew_vb  http://instagr.am/p/WBpoe1q7eb/ 

Hey @mbacklund11 @mcammalleri13 @svenbaertschi @dasmitty24 can you get Blair Jones on twitter? #goblairjones #blairjonesnumber1

It's taking every shred of willpower I have to not run around all day just yelling HOCKEY!!!

@joemande @johnkeverich is probably @jakefogelnest

If Doritos were an actual person they would be chill as fuck

Awww yeah http://t.co/cKsEUYGX

RT because boobs

The soundtrack to #ericslunch is brought to you by @justinbieber. #NP Boyfriend

If Daft Punk headline @coachella next year, I'll be fucking pissed. They deserve to stay in fucking France with an album like this

Between two ferns is so disturbing. My god

Amazing. Everyone who hasn't heard it yet, tweet me, text me, whatever. I will enlighten you.

Every time I go through my iTunes to find something to listen to, no matter how much shit I add, I always end up at Jai Paul. This shit is

@taylorsowiak dumbledore dies at the end