Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Never fuck with anyone that has a bigger vocabulary than you.
It's not a typo if you don't know how to spell.
You know she's a keeper if she spreads her own ass.
My iPhone 5S just autocorrected "teehee" into " don't do that, you're a 33 year old man."
When I have kids, if I ever catch them smoking pot, I'm going to punish them by making them sit and watch me smoke the whole thing.
It's not a misunderstanding if you're a fucking idiot.
The 90's will always be 10 years ago to me.
Between the hours of 7 and 8 am, I answer all questions with eyebrow movements and finger points.
I followed you because some fucking idiot told me to.
Give a man a cream cheese bagel , he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to cream cheese bagel, I'm high as fuck.
I wonder what Forest Whitaker's eye is up to.
#TeamFollowBack is like the god damn Jehovahs Witness of Twitter.
At the end of the day, it's all about loyalty.
I'm that type of high where you can stare through shit.
Woke up with a chubby, told her she needs to leave.
I star people that I don't follow. Fuck you.
You can't cure addiction, just replace.
According to AT&T I've sent 5.8 Gigabytes worth of dick pics this month.
People getting trampled to death at Walmart over a $10 blender is my favorite holiday tradition.
Its cute how at 31 I still enjoy drawing hearts and dicks through the steam of my shower door.
The story of your life will be written in invible ink.