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Black children never know the joy of finding their name in a personalized keychain display.
When a kid says, "see ya later, alligator!" I always reply, "after a while, shithead!" because saying goodbye doesn't have to rhyme.
My new girlfriend really loves these 6" Subway sandwiches. I've been cutting off 2" before she sees them because we haven't had sex yet.
My Adderall smoothie brings all the boys to the 98,617 blades of grass in my yard.
"Once you go white, that pussy stays tight!" - Me, trying to cleverly pick up black girls while also preparing them for my baby dong.
Trans fats are not always bad, Chaz Bono seems like a real sweetheart.
Remember to set your clocks back tonight and stop telling women what to do with their vaginas!
@birbigs @pattonoswalt spoiler: sigur ros winds up with sigur rachel
No Birth Control, Know Abortions. Know Birth Control, No Abortions.
I would watch a Real Housewives reunion show where they just sit around and watch a different Real Housewives reunion show.
I love, "Wind Beneath My Wings" but what makes Bette Midler think she can, "fly higher than a negro?"
How do people in England have Bluetooth technology but not normal tooth technology?
I wish "queer eye for the straight guy" was still on, so i could keep pretending my girlfriend makes me watch it.
handsome. ridiculously handsome.
