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oh captain bi captain ;)
Ooh my pussy so hot but it's a dry heat.
This town ain't big enough for the both of us maybe we should move to a bigger cardboard box
Nice try, "fruit as dessert"
There's something about a guy with a ponytail that makes me think he throws A LOT of pennies in fountains.
Mom hates it when I crack my toes on the back of her head.
How much do my dead bfs ashes weigh? Enough to break the ice. I'm Stephanie.
You're never too old to give your mom the finger behind her back. By the way, my mom is at my house.
Just found out my dad has a Pinterest :(
Retweeting somebody late at night is like calling somebody's office when you know they're at lunch.
"I'm not texting" - go to lie of all people texting
The brain is a highly evolved problem-solving machine. Mine is wondering what it would feel like if I had a dick and fucked a jelly donut.
I'm starting to think Johnny Depp's entire career is just one long audition for Ru Paul's Drag Race.