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One of the worst things abt being married is that you can't just sulk alone in the dark without it being like a big THING.
LIKE THIS PIC OF A WEEPING KID WHOSE DAD DIED IN COMBAT TO SHOW YOU ARE QUICK TO MAKE MEANINGLESS GESTURES WHEN SUBJECTED TO SOCIAL PRESSURE
Michelangelo mumbling "no homo no homo no homo" under his breath as he carved David's dick and balls
Preparing to leave the house for the 1st time since Christmas. What is pants? How can shoes?? Bras?! What do!
ayo mane you ever eat a bitch's pussy and be like whoa this is a human being with hopes and dreams and feelings smdh
If there isn't a lock company called Surelock Homes w/a little detective mascot then I don't even know what is going on in this crazy world.
Aw, I love the idea of an escape goat! "Shit's getting to crazy! Let's roll, Bluebell!" ::hops on goat?:: ::rides to chiller places?:::
Old dude just stared super hard at me then my tank top strap fell off my shoulder and my boob popped out, so, yeah, I've met a wizard before
There has never been a single moment in my life where splitting a sandwich has seems like a satisfying meal option.
Girls aren't tryin to get fingered in a room that smells like underwear made of pot, Kid. Make an effort. Smdh
I SPENT 1 ZILLION HOURS ON TWITTER AND ALL I GOT WERE LASTING FRIENDSHIPS THAT MAKE LIFE FEEL MORE BEARABLE EVERYDAY. :((((((
Wouldn't say no to seeing more dicks on premium cable. I mean, boobs are cool but also dudes have parts that ppl might want to see, too.
No matter who wins the election, we know who REALLY runs the country, people. #reptilians #spacelizards #shapeshifters #illuminaughty
i'm the bomb-diggity. also the rilla-dilla. HI I LIKE YOU I TWEET A LOT HOPE THAT IS OKAY SEE YOU SOON????
