“@spillthemusic: @kitiara Wow, you really put the"Love" in love seat, dontcha ;)” and the 'sex' in 'sectional'!! ...wait...

I have a sticker problem. I like stickering things up all over with stickers. Acceptance is the first step to recovery.

#youknowyouvemadeitwhen you're walking down the street wearing light gray sweatpants inside out and the tag wags in the breeze like a tail.

HELP IM TRAPPED IN A GIANT BOX FULL OF FURNITURE AND ANGRY PEOPLE oh wait this is my job wtf

Call centers should be forced to listen to their own hold music continuously all day.

Me: "Hi! Welcome to our store! Have you seen our flyer?" Customer: "Oh, um, do you work here?" Me: "...no?"

Outside my house today.  http://instagr.am/p/V2q0Otg927/ 

3 thugs pass me and my daughter through restaurant door. "Ooh, a wee baby!" they exclaim. Babies transcend all walks of life.

Because I see movement out of the corner of my eye but when I look there's nothing there and that sir is a lovely hat give me your tea

Well, ten days overdue and still no baby! I'm late for everything else in life, why not this too?

“@spillthemusic: Retweet if you are too broke for new years!!” Holla if ya need a dolla!

Right now I have a turkey in the oven AND a bun in the oven!

Lol  http://twitpic.com/bnezaw 

“@cloudspeaker: 2011 Gun Deaths: Japan 48, Great Britain 8, Switzerland 34, Canada 52, Sweden 21, Germany 42, UNITED STATES 10,728" crazy

Oh cool, the cutlery all has Swiss Chalet stamped on it. *looks around* *slowly opens purse*

Last day of work today. Tomorrow, maternity leave begins.

Dangling Crane: the new euphemism for Erectile Dysfunction.

Would you like a stick of gum?
Would you like it in your bum?
I would not like a stick of gum!
I would not, could not, in my bum!
#tired

A three year old just told me "this Mario Kart game is bitchin' "

“@spillthemusic: @kitiara .... =^..^=” meow!!! Argh!!! *chomp* ack hairball