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I don't call myself an "Evil Genius" in my bio because dude, humility.
Forgot to call my mom on her birthday. Now I have to avoid her calls for the next 365 days.
I'm starting to think this headache focused around my left eye means that in an alternate universe I'm being skullfucked.
Don't fret, world; I promise, when I force you to kneel before me, I won't point out your bald spot. Maybe.
Being an adult means I can watch My Little Pony whenever the fuck I want.
How to Kill a Spider: Spray it with RAID, beat it to death with the can, douse it in gasoline, burn down house, and move 50 miles away.
Your girl gets drunk and super duper horny... then she curls up into an unfuckable position and passes out #Munsoned
Undefeated supervillain. Mischievous miscreant. In the process of conquering the world (stay tuned for more info). http://bouncykitty.tumblr.com/