I shall CONQUER THE WORLD with my intellectual prowess & big stompy boots! Well, probably just this room & mostly with the boots, actually.

Reasons I follow people. They are 1. Friends; 2. Funny; 3. Pithy; 4. Interesting; 5. Good with the clickable links; 6. Helpful; 7. Insane.

Quite good. RT [REDACTED]: Here Are The Four Charts That Explain What The Protesters Are Angry About... http://t.co/TUujJVvq

Are you a muppet? Are you sure? Have you checked for A HAND UP YOUR ASS?

Gah. Reviewing my cell phone bill. I text like a 13 year old girl trying to choose between two boys. Yikes.

No idea where I clicked on this, but this Badass of the Week is awesome: http://t.co/f65GuHjN

They're ordering the media away & bringing in ambulances. #occupyboston

The garbage trucks are on hand & they're dumping all the tents, bedrolls, protest signs, etc. #OccupyBoston

Sometimes I just wanna grab my fallopian tubes & shoot eggs into the ballsacks of every man I see. WORK ON YOUR EMPATHY, BOYS!

Goodnight, productive Monday! Ain't seen you in a loooong... what's that? Twenty years? Yes, it HAS been a while. You, uh, you look good.

Spread the word! Dallas, Seattle, Atlanta, Boston, all getting raided after gov't offices are closed & news gone to bed. #OWS #OccupyBoston

There is method. There is madness. 'Tis rare the twain shall meet.

Female jails are full, so additional female prisoners are being taken to an undisclosed location. #OccupyBoston

Such brilliant things my digestive system must be gurgling. If only I could understand!

I partook of a chocolate fountain today. I may need to have one of those installed in the kitchen. For emergency chocolate-covered snacks.

Hello strange new following type people! You should know that I swear often and with great enthusiasm! Also, FUCK!

I say, if yer Pope's got magical infallibility powers, he should also be able to fly. Otherwise, what's the fuckin' point?

Mama said there'd be days like this (days like this, Mama said). BUT, Mama also said KNOCK YOU OUT. I'm having difficulty prioritizing.

At the age of 39, do I still have access to irony? I can't tell anymore.

I'm trying to be more positive, but I really suck at it.