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Ending my day with side eye from a four year old because, of course
Let me know when you realize it's settled in your bones
Hoo man there is nothing cooler than a 16 year old in a brand new mustang great job parents
I've already broken my iPhone 6
I hate it when people sneeze more than twice, I mean is it a date or what, why aren't you texting me back, vodka
I don't like what jeeps are implying
I won't be wearing my bike shorts tomorrow to work so leave your insults at home
Actually I'm not watching football, I did that yesterday, I'm listening to a song called "happy" rn (right now)
When you get those football feelings...
And for my next trick, I will make this bag of cheese popcorn disappear in an emotional outburst
You guys know you aren't allowed to drink coke in the mornings now hand me your cups and go finish your powdered donuts
Being alone is scary, which is why I tie ducks to my legs, they're adorable
I love my children unequally and in direct correlation to the power they demonstrate while plowing my lands 322
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