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Are you aware that a two year old is capable of taking up an entire king size bed?
To my children: there really are Dads out there who are loving and supportive. I'm sorry I didn't give you one.
And lo, the Project was an abomination to mine eyes and I calleth it a ClusterFuck...
39 in Atlanta. Had to put a winter coat on last night, so I know how you feel, Canadians.
NoPantyTuesday. Because, laundry.
I hate when I take the on ramp on two wheels like a badass...only to discover left blinker is still on two miles down the road.
I like my men the way I like my coffee: hot & strong, with no articificial sweeteners
Facebook people: I do not want to Add My Birthday. I do not want to Add Your Birthday.
Dear boss: it is unnecessary for you to walk into my office to adjust your balls.
He said "we'll have a safe word. And it's 'don't stop'."
It's unprofessional to type your password in the wrong place when giving an onscreen presentation. Apparently.
Look. I'm not gettin in a pissing contest with you. I'm physically ill-equipped. Feel free to continue with your dumb fuckery tho.
That feeling when you don't know what to do, hate to ask for help, but he says I'm on my way, I got it. Yeah. That.
Pro Tip: Nair is not for your nether region. Because, chemical burns.
I appreciate your thoughts. Yet, I'm reminded of my redneck bro's wisdom on unsolicited advice:
You just hold the head, I'm fuckin this cat
Divorce. Deaths. Cancer. Totaled vehicles. SWAT teams. Arrests. Lawyers...my 7yrs of bad luck are over. So I have said, so shall it be.
Insomnity: the state of being imsomnious