Here come the Fire Shero jokes. And the misspellings of Arron Asham

I am the Doug, the big bad Doug pic.twitter.com/kn6RjYfpAf

Driving through Washington is like trying to live tweet a partial birth abortion

Why would I want to run a marathon if I can just buy one of those 26.2 stickers and put it on my car?

@penguins #pensgameface pic.twitter.com/pUR5dXg2IO

Caffeine. Alcohol. Hockey. #becauseitsthecup

Should a real hockey blog tweet like this? Need opinions. RT for No, Favorite for No.

Thanks to @penguinssauce, I've just listened to Nelly, Ludacris, and the Janne Pesonen song back to back. My IQ is plummetting.

Wonder what Letang ate. It was probably a walking taco. Those things are deadly.

If I listened to Facebook, apparently every 3 days is when Back to the Future came to today. That's some bullshit. People are dumb.

#FF Do. It. @penguinssauce @thurmanmerman22 @madchad724 @g_off817

Underwhelmed.

OWWWWW #CompoundFracture

Hi. I'm from Philadelphia. I hate Sidney Crosby because he's better than everyone we have, but I have to resort to calling him gay.

Beer is kind of like cereal, right? Gonna be a long day

Would be hilarious if Twitter gave notifications for Subtweets. "SoAndSo" may have Subtweeted about you: "What a fucking idiot #douche"

@pkp_goalie32 @flyguys19 Not only did we have it with him, we bought it for him. Then he took Dustin's cousin and her friend home.

Story of Price's sex life derrrrrr RT“@emptynetters: Price on Crosby's goal: "Five millimeters was the difference tonight."”

@pkp_goalie32 Douglas Murray is Viktor Krum

Gionta won't return for third, as Douglas Murray has hijacked his flight to Pittsburgh, and just texted Gionta "I HAZ UR FAMILEE"