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Oh drake, you'll always be my favorite Jew. #JewishBoyProblems #AMA2011
Putting a pretty shirt over your muffin top does not make you a cupcake.
There are 6.9 billion people in the world. Would it really matter if I removed just one of them?
Obese midgets are low fat!
my parents keep telling me i can be anything i want, so i decided i want to be a fire truck. they get ridden by hot dudes all the time.
Such a beautiful day out, I think I'll spend it lying in bed with the blinds closed.
Why should I wipe my asshole if I'm just gonna shit again in a couple hours. #everyonepoops
Beauty is only skin deep, but bitch is to the bone
twitter just told me i should follow Justin Bieber, do they think i am a 12 year old girl crushin on him. #fuckyoubieber
Why doesn't naked rhyme with baked?
Gotta put things in beerspective and look at the bigger pitcher.
Turned food into poop today. That's about it. Might try and seize the day tomorrow or something.
Did you know the moon was formed cause the earth took a shit and the moon came out
If I had a nickel for every time that I've needed math, I would have 13 cents.
Some day, I may finally give birth to this food baby. Hopefully the paternity test will tell me if it's Ben's or Jerry's.
How come it's cool to ask someone why they aren't married, but rude to ask someone why they're divorced?
I love country music. Also I eat ice cream and drink red bull on the daily.