roses are red / so don't you be hatin' / my boyfriend will kill you / (my boyfriend is satan)

"talented" is a word you use to describe bright second-graders, not adults who have been honing their craft for years

"traditional marriage fans," also known as "bigots"

can we please as a society get past the notion that feelings don't matter and being offended is caused exclusively by being humorless

for valentine's day I bought @funnyanimalbook a new boyfriend pic.twitter.com/rLRMK1rf

comics. comics! everybody draw some comics

using the word "talent" as part of a joke has reminded me that i hate the cultural idea of talent as innate magic, not borne of hard work

my powerful dadsona has nine mustaches and commands power over all consumer electronics

remember the old saying: "a camel is a super fucked up horse."

you and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals / let's do it like they do (in an open field, observed placidly by thousands of our peers)

Franz Kafka's "Bug Man on Campus"

anonymity makes otherwise-innocuous questions seem like they spring from bad motivations. just fyi.

art is purposeful creative expression. high/low is a completely fake categorization & quality has no effect as to whether it is actually art

you and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals / let's do it like they do [extends ovipositor] [is shamed away from mammal community]

checkmate atheists pic.twitter.com/vLrUyEPsZF

sex toy commercials on pandora are trying to sell a "Big O kit." which i refuse to interpret as anything but an anime robot you can build

i watched a lot of dark, viscerally-upsetting movies as a kid but i turned out okay [turns to face skeleton in adjacent office chair]

SleepWell(TM): Finally, a hole in the ground you can sleep in

ratigan recorded a song and had a 78 pressed just so he could stick basil in a trap and make him listen to it

you know, that '80s movie about the guy who woke up as a monstrous vermin and became the most popular insect on campus