My mom had a sex toy party last nt (invited couples). She let me know this morning that it was a huge success. Try wakin up 2 those details.

So tired of my finger looking like frankenstein...at least 1 body part is ready for Halloween-ok, maybe 2 parts. Boobs r always ready.

Just saw a dog food commercial that said it is a "stool optimizer" so the pup is now an "optimum pooper." Chinese food is probably cheaper.

My super preppy & sweetheart ofa roomie is n jail right now..for 1 week. I miss her. Hope she comes hm w/her "i love men" card still intact.

My game has always been pretty strong at the strip club.

Damn, I am getting really good at opening wine.

All jokes aside, all I want for Christmas is a SugarDaddy.

New rule: sexting is now required if you plan on texting me anything at all. ex."Get milk."<---find a way 2 turn me on &still get 2 ur point

Must. Drink. More..........To. Drown. Out. The. Sounds. Of. Me. Not. Having. Sex.

In a conference call rt now and I think some1 from another city is breathing heavy on the phone...awwwkwaaard.

How fitting that it is Black Friday - as today is the day I throw out my old lil' black book and start a whole new fresh one!

I am begining to remember that vaginas are powerful. And having one, pretty much makes you God. THERE! I SAID IT!

Some lady told me I looked like a china doll today...didn't that hooker see I'm not asian?

Sliced my finger somethin horrible at work 2night- took it like a gangsta tho.

Be my dixie chicken- ill be your tennesee lamb

Last minute-bartending a private party in a friggin mansion! Let's hope my christmas wish of gettin me a sugardaddy come true tonight ; )

Oh my god, I'm so excited I'm gonna get to bed at a decent time tonight - and by decent time I mean 4:00.

ok...making my To-Do list for this week: 1) Find old To-Do list. 2) Cross off item #1. 3) Brainstorm idea for item #3. 4) Surf Twitter

Omg, I think there's a domestic disturbance going on! Hurry, somebody call cops...not the real ones, silly!--the TV show!

Missed the visiting hours at the jail...I'm such a bad friend! I didn't know when they were! Cleaning house for my roomie's return tho!