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An old lady just tried to cut in line right in front of some other old ladies at Kohls. It got intense.
My husband is laying diagonally and my cat is at my feet. Now I have to decide who to strongly push over and then pretend to be asleep.
Odds are the middle aged lady who thinks it's cute to say Valentimes Day repeatedly is probably spending Valentine's Day with her cats.
"I'm checking for any lesions or bruising on your head. Your hair is very soft so that is really good." -med student "Good." -me
Scarlett gave Elliott a random ATOMIC wedgie & then quietly said "No thank you" and walked away. Sometimes I wish I was her. #2YrOld #4YrOld
Best part of thanksgiving: going to grandma-in-laws house and seeing her pj shirt w/a baby chick crossed out and the words " NO FAT CHICKS"
One of life's biggest disappointments is when someone suggests going out for ice cream and then takes you to a frozen yogurt shop.
I make my money by pretending to be sick for a college filled with student doctors. I also really like nachos and Disneyland.