Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
If I don't wake up in the hospital then it's terrible sex.
Wouldn't it be strange if everyone was into kites now? Like people standing outside Starbucks maneuvering a kite.
When we go to war are we fighting for the rights to more Transformers movies?
I feel like I'm going to die some day.
Writing is 15% putting together sentences and 85% making music playlists.
According to my Spotify play history I live in 1987 or something.
Open mics are way better when a lot of people applaud after each song.
Got hacked. If anything I've gained weight.
On Ariel Castro's death: In the words of the late, great George Carlin: "Good! Fuck em!"
"You say potato, I say potato" doesn't work on twitter.
Still reeling from the effects of having a My Buddy as a child.
Elephants and the mob. They never forget your debt.
The revolution will be tweeted and scrolled over for more jokes.