Radio 4 announcer a couple of minutes ago- 'Coming up, Albert Speer, or prisoner number 5 as he was known in Spandau Ballet...Erm, prison'

#ModernizedClassics Cidre with Rosie

Feign fain? Never. That would be rued. #Artwiculate

Mendacious harp = lyre #artwiculate

Caesura Margery Daw, Johnny can't find a new master, He got fired for having too many breaks, Now his CV's a total disaster #Artwiculate

#CelebFilms Once Upon a Time in Mae West

The success of Christian Dior's 'Poison' has prompted arch rival Estée Lauder to bring out her new fragrance 'Theriac' #artwiculate

Four calling birds...three French hens.. two girls... and one cup! #dysfunctionalcarols

I asked this snowman if he wouldn't mind posing for an #altff pic. He said 'I'll do better than that...' http://twitpic.com/3aau98

The mendacious feminist said she'd burned her bra but it was her pants that were on fire #artwiculate

@i_amnix #depressedbands Huey Lewis and the Noose

@kelfocker You're absolutely right! So not sexy. *Closes 'Hairy seepage MILFs' webpage, deletes bookmark, pulls up zip, re-opens curtains*

The Fonz is trending. I daren't click to see why in case pictures of his arse have been leaked too...

#PornoRemakes Pan's Labia rinse

#altff I'm a guy living alone, washing up isn't a priority so i just use whatever's handy... http://t.co/DiFxLQx

#altff Worlds worst bank robber disguise... http://t.co/pH0cs26

Since my girlfriend started working late with Dave at the margarine factory, I can't believe it's not subterfuge #artwiculate

They've been vibrating the Chilean mountain for months with their big machine and it's finally ready to start ejaculating miners..

I've always hated having my picture taken... #altff http://twitpic.com/2vmn6e

Putting the rowd(y) into crowd... #GSLsupertheatre15