That's it Microsoft, advertise in the middle of #blackmirror, that won't be creepy at all.

DEAR THE ENTIRE UK. WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS CUNT ALL THE TIME. SEE WHY WE’RE FUCKING MENTAL?! #bbcqt

There's a fucking Dunnes Stores in Barcelona! They couldn't even give us a point!

#eurovision

Can’t find it anywhere other than on right wing sites which are wholly inappropriate to quote.

Liberal forward-thinking unionists.You won't vote for Sinn Fein, despite their liberal forward-thinkingness, but please stop voting DUP&UUP

OH @ Murder Mystery Theatre: ‘Do you get your hair gel out of Boots or Superdrug?'

Good work Lieutenant Detective Columbfuck.

When your political correctness makes you dislike a celebration of culture, you have no appreciation of the diversity you purport to cherish

@pzmyers Could you please help. They want creationism in our museum, we don't - http://j.mp/petitionagainstnelson Retweet pweez? =]

@theeadversary He's an imbecile. I can only imagine the glee with which Osbourne greets him knowing he can screw him (and us) over easily.

I just saw the coastguard out. The fucking coastguard. What are we expecting?! A fucking naval attack?!?!

"It's ecomonically viacle!!" -@tashacallan

cc/ @peek_a_bo0 @christinaaakane @checkdigit @rainbowface

Every audience member using their telephone voice tonight. #bbcqt

New pyjama bottoms, hit my word target for my essay for today. Best things about today.

I'm okay with that.

Can't wait for a federal Europe. S'gonna be like this all the time. #eurovision #croissantsforeveryone!

@matt_mcadam She's about as effective as a marzipan dildo.

I get the feeling that this management textbook is slightly out of date. pic.twitter.com/5qaGQzaO

Oh my fuck! Have they picked a lineup of celebrities who all have water issues? Next up: a celebrity who was molested by a pond.

My sister just told me she doesn't like Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

I killed her. As is customary.

Cracking wee first night with @peek_a_bo0 @checkdigit @tashacallan and @niletartan

Can't wait for some historical touring tomorrow...

Gonna start a band and call it 'Various Artists'.

Really fuck shit up.