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Must suck to see your ex getting married. I wouldn't know, all mine have died in mysterious, firey car crashes.
So I joined Twitter...one thing leads to another...yada yada yada... I'm homeless.
The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
All you miserable married people....
May divorce be with you.
"Sorry but I've been killing it on Twitter." Me to landlord when it's time to pay rent.
Selfish dude's always pushing 75+ carts around grocery lot. Today I yelled, "Hey Buddy, those are for everyone!" Kept all, took inside. WTF!
What you think of me is none of my business.
No one among us is truly free until he/she can effortlessly decline a dinner invitation without explanation.
If I had any friends, I'm sure I would be the envy of them.
Wanted: Sax or Violin player. Not for band but to provide montage background music for my daily pacing session, regretting various failures.
Make sure you look directly into the sun for at least ten minutes per day because that's where all the vitamins are.
I wonder what I'm doing right now.
Too bad the opposite of "mo money, mo problems." isn't "no money, no problems."
Dating tip: give up.
My hand is writing checks my bank can't cash.
The longest, most elaborate, collaborated loveletter to escapism in history.
Everything done in the dark eventually comes to light.
Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this realtionship?
If I had to get fired I'd like it to be from the unemployment office so next day I can walk in, "You work for ME now bitch!"
Please be quiet while I'm tweeting. Common courtesy. See now I forgot what I was going to say. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?!!
I am everywhere & nowhere, perchance frittering my time away on Twitter «| Creator | Destroyer | Writer | Designer | Photog | Divinely free of category |»