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Is there an online dating site for alcoholics? I want to find true love.
You don't know what you got till it's gone, unless it's a double murder then you got alot of cleaning up to do.
I hate it when i'm shitting in an alley and a bum walks by and asks me for a dollar.
Ran out of toilet paper and had to use my only clean towel, so if i go MIA soon it's cause i killed myself cause my life is a fucking joke.
200th Tweet! i think it's pretty obvious that I'm going for quantity over quality at this point and that i have no friends in real life.
On RedTube there's a video called "Lazy maid sucks two dicks" Whoever named that vid must have a serious work ethic or really love the cock.
Chris Browns music might not be that good but he's really good at punching women in the face.
Every time I go into subway and tell them I want a 6 incher, I feel like i'm back in my therapist's office crying.
Ignoring co-workers cause i'm thinking up tweets >
Whose going to jail with me when people start putting child porn in pop-ups cause they think it's funny?
Whenever i eat alot of mexican food i grab my friends iPhone, go on Shazam and start shitting. 95% of the time it says its by Justin Bieber.
Since people wont stop talking to me at the urinal, i have to use the stalls to shit.
I want a girl whose ashamed to be fucking me.
For International Woman's Day i'm giving out free abortions, your choice of the coat hanger method or getting pushed down cement steps.
Everybody dies but not everybody lives. I feel bad for Snooki's fetus.
I don't know if my high school girlfriend is bulimic but i'm getting really sick of her throwing up and crying every time we have sex.