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The best Christmas gift from my parents is them not kicking me out of their house.
When I grow up I wanna be a sexually frustrated wife who writes love triangle fiction that ends up being fall blockbusters for tweens.
Tomorrow, I turn 25. The age my dad was when he married my mom. The age my mom was when she birthed me from her uterus.
Good, old fashioned Apple Store clap out. Tomorrow. 7:45pm. Hang out at Dog House afterward. Be there or be… well, you know.
Tinder pickup line: Did you hear about the Fresno State student that fucked a sheep?
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